Should the Trans* girl pay for half? (Update: May-16-2007)
As a student in classic feminist studies pre-Grrrl era, I am torn between sides when it comes to the question of whether the Trans* girl should split the bill when out about town with the man friend. One side of me acknowledges independence and the tacit agreement that paying one’s own way means no transaction has taken place. At the same time, the opposing side can barely contain voicing the arduous work that goes behind the scene of being trans.
It’s often been sulkingly admitted by cynical, grouchy old men that prostitution is alive and well in the mating of the sexes. If the man bought his girlfriend a beautiful diamond ring, she is expected to show gratification, appreciation, and loyalty. A transaction is understood to have taken place and results are expected.
I’ll admit that it’s quite glamorous when a girl can buy herself that diamond ring she’s always wanted. I’m sure the cynical guy would love it too. But where is the romance? Where is the happy, go-lucky fresh-as-first-time, devil-may-care, joie-de-vivre of falling in love? (In my opinion, the poshest ring remains the one given to Audrey Hepburn by George Peppard in Breakfast At Tiffany’s: The one from a 25 cent Cracker Jack box.) That’s romance!
Many will assume that sex is the currency being exchanged, after all, let us remember that a girl who gives it away is seen as something less flattering than a boy who gives it away. The former is looked down upon in our society while the latter is revered. So a traditional girl naturally protects her assets the way a man does. When she does give herself, it is the equivalent worth of giving that which makes her valuable.
That is why the world’s oldest profession continues to be so, and man continue to fetishize trading their money for women’s bodies.
A man, by traditional socialized hierarchy has a greater mobility in moving up in his career, which will lead to higher financial gain. Today, as the modern woman inches slowly pass the glass ceiling towards financially egalitarian grounds, she has dispensed with the notion of the traditional woman.
That’s why the grouchy guy, though happy that he can now hold on to his loot, has a new complain to gripe about. “Why are the women of today so butchy and bossy?”
My guess is that they got tired of waiting around for that diamond ring so they up and got together the means to buy one for themselves.
An obvious example that clearly illustrates the difference between a man’s worth versus a woman’s worth occurs when men (whose value is based on the wealth they spread) get into a dress and rush to play the fantasy role of the slut. They may look like a girl on the surface, but in their mind, they’re still passing their bodies around like money in order to validate their worth and compete against the next trans* girl.
Truth be told, a man in full should never let on that he is loathed (pronounced “C-h-e-a-p“) to take care of his girl. What that tells the world is that he’s been played by a gold-digger one too many times, and that he has not made the more prudent choices in his life thus far.
Now, we take up trans* considerations. If one argues that paying is a form of exchange for services rendered, then consider this: Every trans person does twice the amount of everything an average person does just to make it through the day. They have to work twice as hard to find a job, make twice the effort to get medical and financial aid, shave twice as often, go to twice as many facial hair removals, shop twice as hard for the right sizes, put on twice as much concealer, have twice as much courage to get out the door, maintain twice the wardrobe, and manage two lives….and that’s just in order to not stand out.
To stand out- in a good way -she has to do more work on top of that.*
And where is the man during all this time? Throwing on a pair of boxers, cracking open a beer, and deciding whether to leave that five o’clock shadow on to give his huskiness more presence.
So guys, when you next take that trans* girl out, don’t nickel-and-dime your way through the night. Truth be told, twice as many girl-hours have already been spent by the conscientious trans*girl before you even meet.
Be a gentleman and dazzle us that you are a man in two worlds: One is sensitive and the other, in charge. When the bill comes, smile and say, “I’ll take care of it.”
And if she’s running up the tab just to get a free ride off of you: Exit through the kitchen and dump her. No one is worth becoming a grouchy old penny-pincher over!
*I am no authority on the matter of passing, as my proclivities naturally lean towards standing out in a wrong way.
