10 Bond Girls (update: 4-9-2009)
I have stopped paying attention to Bond movies long ago, though when they play the reruns on tv these days, I still sneak a peak. My list of favorite Bond girls is quirky at best. I pay more attention to the peripheral people than the person I am suppose to be looking at. Of course, folks always automatically assume I would pick Caroline Cossey (nee Tula), the transsexual walking poolside for .005 seconds in For Your Eyes Only. No. You have to do more than that to make it on my list.
1.Tania Mallet (Goldfinger 1964: Tilly Masterson)
The prim, solemn, well-dressed sister of the girl who got gold-leafed at the beginning of Goldfinger, bent on vengeance, she was the one that got away, taken down by Job’s flying hat before Bond could help himself. My favorite Bond girl.
2. Alison Doody (A View To A Kill 1985: Jenny Flex)
The perpetual equestrienne, whether it be showing Bond his bedroom, going to a car-wash, or simply wielding a gun, Jenny turns out fabulously in the nattiest horse-riding outfit to grace the screen.
3. Carole Bouquet (For You Eyes Only 1981: Melina Havelock)
The prettiest Bond girl ever, in my opinion. Carole Bouquet rarely bore a sexy outfit in this Bond flick. I think any gratuitous view of her was blocked by a gigantic crossbow. But I adore Carole Bouquet. Her handsome allure is dazzling in Bunuel’s That Obscure Object of Desire.
4. Mie Hama (You Only Live Twice 1967: Kissy Suzuki)
Mie Hama’s 3rd Japanese girl up the stairs is the most magical Bond moment. For the uninitiated, Bond has to go undercover in a Japanese island as a 6’4″ Asian and he has to pick a Japanese wife to help his undercover operation. His people pick 3 local girls for him to chose from. The first two are stinkers that could make paper bags howl. As the third one approaches, Bond grimaces, bracing himself for the worst. And of course, Mie looks up in a combination of modesty and stateliness. If there is one look that sums up the ideal wife according to Pristine, it is this.
5. Barbara Bach (The Spy Who Loved Me 1977: Major Anya Amasova)
My first Bond love in my first Bond movie as a youth. Barbara’s beauty is like a kaleidoscope: from one angle she looks French, from another, Hispanic, then suddenly Teutonic. And where did this wonder come from? Queens, NYC. The Spy Who Loved Me had it all. The coolest cars, the most exotic locations, the discotheque version of the Bond theme, Jaws, and the hottest villain.
6. Caroline Munro (The Spy Who Loved Me 1977: Naomi)
Caroline Munro as the tough sexy sadistic evil villainess in The Spy Who Loved Me had too short an appearance before she was offed. Who in the world would wake up in the morning to go kill secret agents and decide to put on the reddest lipstick, the thickest eyebrows, and the skimpiest outfit?
7. Daniela Bianchi (From Russia With Love 1963: Tatiana Romanova)
Tatiana marries Bond and the two play a cute stretch as husband and wife. Well, until Bond manhandles his wife and gives her a walloping in the train cabin. To which she can only counter with, “all I know is I love you!” Classic old school romance. Can’t beat it. And of course, how can anyone not love that black choker?
8. Izabella Scorupco (Goldeneye: Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova)
Mousy science nerd narrowly escapes the monstrous Famke Janssen, who gets a little bit too excited when blowing away a roomful of innocent scientists with her machine gun. If my memory serves me correctly, Fyodorovna spends most of Goldeneye in a fuzzy cardigan sweater, clinging to Bond for protection from the meanies. I identify.
9. Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies 1997: Wai Lin)
Ok, I haven’t seen this one. But Michelle was born literally next town over from where I was born. She’s my peeps.
10. Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny)
Well who wouldn’t want to be an executive administrative assistant perpetually in a manwich, with your male boss behind you and the icon of manhood, James Bond in front of you? Answering to two men while typing dictation and imparting witty repartee. Is a girl’s work ever done?
