Ugg Boots = Ugh! : Male repellant or Instant gay converter? (update: Nov 20, 2009)
I was driving around with my straight male friends when, upon turning a corner, a piercing headache struck our temples like crocheting needles from some S&M grandma’s living room.
What in the world hit us with such cruel viciousness, such unthinking callousness, such….horrific bad judgment and myopic herd mentality?
What in the world are those furry malignant growths surrounding all the calves and feet of young girls, women, and even boys?
Ladies and Gentleman, the greatest chastity belt reinvented since the condom; the most effective anti-assault repellant since the pepper spray. Can young girls finally walk in dark alleys without a care in the world? YouBetcha! Reason: Two words: Ugg Boots. One proper response: Ugh!
It was such a shock, we all simultaneously blew our Long Island Ice Teas out of our noses and onto the inside of the car windshield. What then followed was a deluge of foul language at a racket unmatched since Seth Rogen bedded Katherine Heigl onscreen. What would possess girls and women to think this was a good idea? Google Ugg boots online and you will find the Greek chorus of horrified voices (mostly male) legion. Is our society so lacking in ideas that we have to resort to spending larges sums of money to make men angry? Whatever happened to just burning a steak? Certainly, attracting the attention of the opposite sex shouldn’t be every girl’s priority, but let’s be honest: if comfort was all you pursued in life, then why not go further and stop shaving your armpits? Don’t comb your hair, wear baggy sweatpants, and take a bath every two weeks? But if male attention is what you crave, you’ve surely got the attention of boys now. The bad sort of attention.
Till this day, I have yet to meet a straight guy who didn’t erupt in a volcano of expletives at the site of Ugg boots. Malcolm Mclaren once said the surest path to success is for 50% of the public to love you and the other 50% hate you. With Ugg boots, the 50% who hate them would be all the straight men in existence. The other 50% who love them, are gay men who are trying to convince girls they are so hott in Ugg boots when they really just want to free up all the straight men’s attention for themselves.
Because come on! Stop any guy on the street and ask him what are the qualities of a hot chick, and chances are, the first things that come out of his mouth will be “hairy legs and big feet.”
Ugg boots give both.
To suggest that women and girls are so vacant that they will follow anything just because Paris or Lindsay is wearing it is beyond comprehension. Most of these girls are too young to remember the horrific moon boots…you know the ones old women wear in the 90s when they were shoveling snow…with their pants tucked in as well. They couldn’t give it away at the Salvation Army store a year or two ago, and now, you’re not all that unless you leave behind footprints like some stuff animal-Sasquatch all over town.
No, I think girls wear it to challenge and confirm their own hottiness. “Am I so hot that I can pull off these god-awful Eskimo boots in the dead of summer – and have that guy over there look at me, without thinking of the stench of my sweaty feet – and still can’t keep his eyes off me?” Well ladies…you keep on wearing them. I’ve noticed the gay clubs are packed more than ever this year.
It’s a brand of ugly aesthetics started by the Scion xB (you know, the bread box car). Is looking ugly really worth spending that much?
Girls. Be careful. Just remember when the king came out in his new clothes, it was a boy who first shouted “he’s naked!”
I thought those super pointy-toed shoes were the ugliest style I’d ever seen, but I gotta admit, ugg boots are absolutely atrocious. The fashion industry is truly unequaled in its ability to ridicule the members of its herds while simultaneously making them like it.
The Scion xB, first generation, was a triumph of function over form, a victory for those who favor utility over fashion. For people comfortable enough with themselves not to give a damn about what others think about their vehicle of choice and what others think that choice says about them. For years, domestic automakers sold so-called five-passenger vehicles with slick curves and sloped behinds. Able to accommodate comfortably two adults in the front and a couple of hobbits in the back. The xB was a vehicle that made sense. Small, compact, gas sipping, with a cavernous interior that had more passenger space than a Hummer, and with gas mileage that rivaled any hybrid. You could flatten the back seats and haul a refrigerator in it if you had to. So don’t lump the xB in with folks smitten by the Ugg boot craze. One is simply a fashion statement. What it says, I don ‘t know. The other was a marvelously engineered vehicle whose design has been copied in larger scale by the Ford Flex. Sure, they’re both “bread boxes,” but part of some grand “ugly aesthetic” genre? Please.
Art, and fashion, is completely subjective. To rail against a manifestation of either that you consider objectionable is to indicate your slavery to both and your independence from neither. That being said, only the blind can’t see the strong sense of “fashion” so artfully displayed in your picture gallery. But I personally find myself more enthralled with your pose, your eyes, your attitude. Art that transcends cloth. The evolution of “you” over the years has been quite extraordinary. There’s a novel in you. Write it.
Believe it or not I was listening to some church sermon online just last night. And it was shocking how different the text was from the actual delivery. The text appeared forbidding, restrictive…well, preachy. But the audio delivery was jovial, light-hearted and full of hope. I ran into this problem with my old blog, when people would meet me in person after reading 1000+ entries. They were like “we thought you were going to be some serious egghead, but you’re totally not.”
This entry was written in laughter. Admittedly, my humor is very dry. But that’s not to say I don’t understand what you are saying: To be the opposite of A is not necessarily B. Sometimes, it’s merely -A. Inversion is not creation, it is just a variation of that which is defined by the original.
Ugg is neither Art nor fashion, therefore I deem it entirely objectionable.
Well you are entitled to your opinion, as I am mine. But for me, the Scion is no different than Ugg in that both react to the status quo by going the opposite direction. Women have long coveted sleek lines and a slim silhouette, Ugg goes opposite and say “suffering for fashion be damned, my comfort comes first…so who cares if my legs don’t look sleek as long as I’m comfortable? (sounding familiar yet?).
Auto makers have long coveted sleek curves and low centers of gravity, Scion goes the opposite and say “suffering for aerodynamics be damned, my comfort comes first…so who cares if my ride looks like a shoebox with rims as long as I’m comfortable?”
You are saying that it’s practical. Sure. Just remember that practicality, is a vice worse than ugliness!
Someone (or many people) are DEFINITELY laughing in the image-makers lounge. It’s almost as if someone made a bet: “I bet you three male go-go dancers, a bottle of Campari, and my Rufus Wainwright Box Set that we can throw anything at these fashionistas (unquestioning followers), charge them an arm and two legs for it, openly clue even the most clueless and outright call it what it is: UGG!
AND. THEY. WILL. STILL. BUY. IT.
It reminds me of some of the stunts Marcel DuChamp pulled off in the art community. Or the stunt I pulled on Marcel DuChamp’s stunt at the MoMa. They were showing a replica of bicycle wheel on a stool. I spun the wheel of the replica…which DuChamp wanted viewers to do anyway. And all the security guards jumped on top of me, for touching a fake.
Ok…I admit it. I just wanted to be buried under a mountain of men.
In my younger days, I viewed a car as a glittery metallic outfit, something that went with my shoes, and my personality. Now I see it as a utility, something that gets me and my stuff as efficiently as possible from point A to point B. When you’re moving to a new place, you don’t cruise to the supermarket and look for discarded boxes with sleek lines and slim sihouettes to pack your stuff in. You grab the biggest, squarest boxes you can find. Practicality isn’t a vice, practicality is a survival technique. So yes, like practical shoes, I wear my Scion (yes, I have one) wherever I go, but once I arrive, I slip into a skinny pair of me and fiercely walk the runway of my day. Everything is transient and circular, sooner or later, classic fashion will revolve again and Audrey Hepburn will smile.
“Inversion is not creation, it is just a variation of that which is defined by the original.”
Now that’s deep, and why I return to this site over and over again, to pick up a nugget of wisdom, and hopefully, to drop one.
Well, I can’t be accused of form over function. My car is 1 year short of official vintage plates from the DMV (25 years) and is raking in 210, 000 miles. The rust spots make it look like a giraffe.
You do drop very interesting ideas. I don’t always directly respond to them because they engage my thoughts in such a lively way, I start thinking immediately. And of course, I am deeply grateful for your honesty in your comments.
Thanks for the kind words but thank you for your courage to share your feelings!
[...] how totally bad the snow is. Even if they weren’t….this is the time to vogue your UGG BOOTS. Well, where are [...]