She layeth the smacketh down (update: December 3, 2009)
I’m not a violent person. True, I am intrigued by rough sex and I do watch some MMA if I stumble upon it. But in the youtube clip above, you will see a fantastic graphic and physical realization of what many trans girls experience when they go out in public. I know I had to go through this in my nascent days. Now that I dress like your grandmama, this scenario no longer seems probable.
For those of you who can’t connect and since this is a silent clip, I will first narrate the sequence of events as shown in the clip, and I will follow with what I believe are the stages those two T*girls may have gone through.
First, the story: Three drunken yobs in Swansea Wales were prowling the streets after what appears to be pub throw-out time. They get in the face of a bunch of innocent bystanders and a scuffle erupts.
Coming out on top (it is unclear), they strut down the street, proud of the menace they have freshly earned as reputation. Pumped up. The three pass two “girls” and one notices. Immediately, the shirtless toughie says, “let’s go mess with them, let’s go start some sh*t with them.” They catch up, and it all starts off civil. It always does. He says the wrong thing, and literally, in the timeframe of 1.5 seconds they are down like a sack of bricks. What happened? Shirtless thug No.1 gets the smackdown on his spinal cord. He collapses instantly. No.2 gets a solid roundhouse to his neck. Both courtesy of the dishonored ladies, who pick up their purses and walk off.
This is no staged beating. You get to see the two guys wobble into walls, collapse in an alleyway and finally down for the count when the police pull up.
Now, the internal narration from what I think those two girls were going through.
1:03 – 1:05 “I think those louts have seen us? Let’s just act normal and hopefully they will ignore us.”
1:11 – 1:13 “Oh no, here they come. Why can’t we just go out for a walk without getting harassed? Steady, let’s hope for the best.”
1:15 – 1:17 “I hope he isn’t going to say those tired, trite wisecracks that we’ve all heard for the past twenty years from the last five hundred guys who feel they need to make a remark.”
1:19 “He just said the same- POW!”
I know many many trans and gay people are cheering when they see this. That doesn’t concern me. What is interesting to me is the explosiveness of the violence. People who are not in the culture can only gauge us by onscreen representation. In this case we are either rock queens (Hedwig), or serial killers (Silence of the Lambs). Every trans person I have ever met was not a violent person. However, many, if not all trans girls I know stress about going out in public.
What you are seeing in the clip – I think – is years of hearing the same old thing, catching the same old stares, and the psychic tension that builds up from having to put up with this sort of nonsense. The three guys didn’t realize they were playing Russian roulette. And they happened to be the ones who got one in the chamber. I’m not saying all trans people will react this way when some bully happens to pick the wrong time and place.
I’m saying to all you guys who think you can successfully showboat your manhood: “this is the level of tension you are up against.” Not all crossdressers are going to wallop you with WEC cagefighting precision displayed here, but I can assure you the adrenaline level is that high in their fight-or-flight mechanism. What they do with it is another story.
If all this doesn’t convince you, then let me offer a simple line of logic. If they are failing at passing that badly…meaning, they are big-boned, hairy with big arms and clumsy in heels. Ask yourself this: what do you actually think they do in their dayjobs when they are not wearing that skirt?”
Hint: Manicurist is probably the wrong answer.
Years ago, I sat at a circular bar opposite three guys who were sipping drinks and sharing lighthearted banter. Then a “girl” walked into the bar and their conversation shifted seismically. The vile words thrown her way assaulted my ears as much as hers. And to be honest, and ashamed, I initially painted her as the victim, wondering why she was there, why she could not have forseen what would happen to her. Then I remembered a lunch counter in the segregationist south and, with my eyes, offered her acceptance, knowing full well that she neither desired nor required acceptance from me or any of those blathering idiots. All she wanted was the respect that one human being should accord another. I don’t pretend to understand the pain that you’ve gone through and the ridicule that you have endured. But I do understand that those who forget their history are either doomed to repeat it or destined to become the other side of the coin. I was ashamed at the black men at the bar that night, but even more ashamed at the silent, unseen bigotry that initially filled my head, an enemy much worse than those who openly hurl epithets and fists. The cruelest irony of all is when the oppressed become the oppressor.
I actually have never had to endure all that much. Most of what I had to put up with were stares and some muffled chuckles which may or may not have involved me. And even those can be counted with fingers on one hand. The direct remarks always came from black women. I have heard of endless stories where trans girls come back to us in tears, psychologically devastated and humiliated. However, NOW that you mentioned it, the worst singular moment I have personally witnessed was when a black man walked down Baltimore Harbor one summer night years ago. He wasn’t a “girl,” just dressed flamboyantly in a shirt with mirrored tiles. The sickening sound of ridicule swept up towards me and against my face like waves of intolerance and prejudice. Never had the sound of laughter seemed so wrought with hate. Who was laughing? Hundreds and hundreds and young black men and women. It was a sad yet revealing moment.
I’ve been circulating publicly for years, mostly within the GL community but some mainstream too, and like d332, haven’t really had many confrontations — although there’ve been a couple that were as scary as I ever want things to get. I’m not a toughie like the girls in the video so I pretty much have to do the Ghandi — for which I get no credit cuz it’s only because I’m not, you know, tough. Anyway, oppression from the oppressed may not be the cruelest irony, but it is certainly mystifying and infuriating. It automatically makes me wanna do the pissed off black girl thang — one hand on sprung hip, other hand wagging a defiant finger, head working side to side the way they do, going like, “Oh no you didn’t!”
It all happens over and over on a much larger and more tragic scale all over the world, especially in countries that seem to gravitate to regimes. Oppressed oust oppressors violently and seize power, oppressed become oppressors. The truly oppressed just get recycled over and over. Ain’t human nature grand?
Involuntary Ghandi, I can’t claim the prize for tolerance, heaven knows I have my own prejudices. I have been thinking about the topic of transphobia for many months. Not really show how to broach the topic, but am exploring it.
A part of me wants to just let it go because whatever I may say will come off sounding like I am generalizing a whole group, but another part is telling me, “it may contribute to a better presentation for trans people overall.” Oh well, guess I’ll let it simmer.
Believe it or not, girls can get pretty vocal too. I once talked to a black trans woman at a charity event. She had a huge permanent scar across her forehead. I asked her how she got it. Apparently, it started with a “oh no you didn’t” argument with another black genetic girl.
And ended with the latter pulling out a knife and slashing her across the forehead.
That’s why I run instead of wagging my finger!
Re the generalizing thing, one thing that just wears me OUT these days is all the PC hedging and qualifying and exempting we have to do to get ANYthing said these days. It’s like painting a house with an eyeliner brush. Get out the broad brush and get it said, I say.
You can always hedge later, when the hordes start howling.