The Non-News, Tiger Woods, and the moral public (update: Dec 13, 2009)
Oh dear. The non-news. First the balloon boy, then the uninvited party crashers, and now this. I called the balloon boy hoax before someone even finished the reading the headline: no parent would leave the youngest child unattended when there’s a dirigible in the backyard. Uninvited party crashers = non-celebrity wannabes who has already been forgotten even before 15 seconds is up. Failed. I knew the fire hydrant was the tip of a monstrous iceberg the moment Tiger apologized for embarrassing his family. By hitting a fire hydrant?
When I slammed my car into the side of a concrete wall outside the Holland Tunnel at 80 miles an hour, my first official statement was “there’s 31 minutes before the liquor store closes.” Dave, who was in the passenger seat, had this to say on record, “I was deciding whether this was a good time to put my seat belt on.”
No. Nobody apologizes for embarrassing his family when he hits a fire hydrant. That’s like some president saying “that depends on whether you’re asking me whether smoking this cigar is, in fact, blowing my load on her black dress.”
I am no educated fan of golf. My only golf hero to this day remains Babe “When I really want to blast one; I just loosen my girdle and let ‘er fly.” Didrikson, who co-founded the LGPA, so I’m in no position to bemoan the end of Tiger Wood’s career. And it is the end. I predict most of his sponsors will pull out by the end of the year.
In Europe, Tiger’s unfaithful, eight-timing butt would be non-news. Just because you are a betraying adulterous cheating lying bastard in your private life, doesn’t mean you can’t golf. If that were the case, then why isn’t Pat Robertson out on the greens? A cheating president can still be wholly capable of running a country. I know a girl who can pull a 150-man bukkake and still cook a mean broccoli quiche.
Unfortunately, here in the States, there’s this weird moral high-ground from the sensational-starved public. It doesn’t help that corporate sponsorship will decide whether you sail or tank, since corporations like to be associated with a product consumers can purchase. Take Nike for example. I always associate them with hiring embryos in Thailand to assemble a $200 sneaker for 3 cents a month. Now that Tiger’s carousel-o-women is dragged into the picture, I’m beginning to feel…well, ambivalent about Nike’s ethics.
I guess that’s also why people are so over-protective of their privacy in this country. Fear of identity theft is one thing- and yes, it’s everyone’s duty to put TMZ out of business- but I always go on the assumption that the details of my life are of no interest or value to anyone. I assume people have better things to do. You don’t have to be so overly protective unless you have something to hide.
The real stunner is that these high profile types just refuse to absorb the object lesson of their peer f**k-ups: the spotlight shines bright, and it never blinks. It’s like their money and success infects them with some sort of Teflon Delusion. “Life is perfect, so I’m bored.” Enter the yawning maw of cable news commentary, stage left. Jubilant fist-pumps all ’round.
I’m not sure what’s worse: The fact that in Europe Tiger’s indiscretions mean nothing, or that here in the states they mean everything. I suspect that common sense lies somewhere in between. What America seems to abhor most of all, even though it has become the norm, is hypocrisy. If you present yourself as being one thing for fame and fortune and turn out to be something else, yes, you have broken your contract with your adoring public and there will be consequences. The problem lies in the misplaced adoration that we have for sports figures. It’s what we want and what athletes suck up to promote their careers and their bank accounts. Just because someone came out of the gene pool with the ability to run faster, jump higher, hit longer, or dunk mightily, does not a role model make. It would be so refreshing for an athlete to say, “Look, I’m just a player having a good season, and I hope to have many more. I’m not an aspiration or a dream, and like most people, on and off the field, I make mistakes. You want a role model, somebody to admire? Turn off the TV–after the game, of course–and talk to your dad, your mom, your brother, your sister, your teacher, a passerby on their way to do good in your neighborhood, or a friend whose moral compass is pointed in the same direction as yours. Because, trust me, I will always disappoint you.” It’ll never happen of course. There’s no money in that. But I can dream, can’t I. I’ll never forget going over to England a number of years ago and discovering that the anchors who broadcast the news were not considered to be “celebrities.” They were called what they were: “Newsreaders.” You didn’t see them on commercials with dazzling smiles and a wink to come join them at 6 and 11. You saw them reading the news from their teleprompters, period. Not that the Isles have complete immunity to celebrity, being the land of kings, queens, and Beatles, but they do seem a little more level-headed. Must be the constant overcast skies.
Have a very Happy New Year! However you measure it and with whoever you love.
Hi Warren,
I think offscreen personalities in our daily landscape have a better chance of being worthy role models. It’s practically impossible for them not to be. Still, the skeptical part of me wonders how much a teacher or a passerby can “suck up” to the image they themselves idealize.
There’s been so many instances where I see people put on “the face” they identify with, and then propagate it in public and in conversations. I am certainly no stranger to that! But outside of the T* community, I see it happening on many levels and with many different groups from different social strata. I suppose that’s why drag queens are fond of saying “it’s all drag.” When a businessman returns home from work, his tone of voice – while communicating with his family – is often wholly different from that with which he uses to communicate with co workers.
How can we be sure that the passerby role model isn’t mixing history with myth to create a legend, which if we took at face value, would lead us no farther than if we had hero-worshipped a sports figure?
A conundrum surely.
Have a Great New Year and all the best in 2010!!!!!
Cheers,
d332