This Just In: Hot Dogs Are A High Risk Food to Today’s Children, based on it’s shape (update: Feb 23, 2010)
don’t lie to yourself: you know you want it
I have said this in a recent entry. The new I-Generation of kids are so pampered, over-protected, and loaded up with unnecessary drugs they’ll grow up to be glass adults. The health care industry is one of the only four profiting businesses left in United States (the other three are religion, the war machine, and college). Every day I am reading something so ridiculous on the news that it simply can’t be ignored. So to inaugurate the final “split” of d332.com into three separate websites and it’s return to “The Art of Not Passing,” I am introducing a new category. The I-Generation. You could read the “i” as the country’s fascination with all things Apple (ie. i-pods, i-pads-i-phones ) or you could take the “i” to mean a over-preoccuppcation with one’s self.
Here is the latest one. Study shows that Hot Dogs are dangerous to kids. “The hot dog is just perfectly designed to act like a plug,” said Deepak Mehta, director of the pediatric aerodigestive center at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh. (source: Group Labels Hot Dogs a choking hazard) This fellow must be behind on his Mercedes installment payment.
With all these INVENTED dangers, how in the world are we going to get our kids prepared for the REAL difficulties that lie ahead of them in life when a mere hot-dog is a “risk.” Do these kids even know an actual crises when they see one? Do they even know what to do if two girls were to show up on their doorstep and they can’t locate one cup? How else are we going to raise the kind of outstanding citizens who have the breeding to say “yes please” when 12 inches of steaming meat is unceremoniously shoved in front of their faces?
Next thing you know, a report will be showing that 5 kids hitting one kid in the back of the head with an inflatable fist-shaped toy while pumping warm water from a garden hose onto his face may or may not stunt a career in Tulvan throat singing.
Tags: childrearing, food, hot dogs, journals of medicine, overpampered, warnings
Let’s save some trees and hard-drive space, once and for all:
1. Living is bad for you. That’s why we die.
2. Everything we see, touch, or feel, is killing us.
3. Everything we can’t see, touch, or feel, is killing us.
4. Some quicker than others.
5. Twinkies are a choice.
6. Hotdogs are a religion.
7. Chocolate is the devil’s temptress.
8.Mustard is…well…mustard.
Dude you got tweeting down to a science. I started the account only to increase exposure for d332. Do you have one? Well if not, you need to. Really quality funny stuff here!
A career in fortune cookie strip author is not far off either. Sure, a fake American Chinese dinner may be the last meal they have….