Pristine Angie’s Good Homemaker Adventures at www.d332.com

Finally, a gallery update. I have been away at Asheville, North Carolina. Yes, I was there during the frightful gas shortage, where people were coming to fisticuffs at gas stations. Luckily I was nowhere near those meanies.

Anyway, here is one of my favorite outfits. Only to be worn in the presence of a man after the knot has been tied. All the great Titus 2 Bible teachings will be practiced (”they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands…to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back.”)

Our family is Presbyterian, and I was raised as such, but I’m not a very religious person. Although I am looking for a good copy of the King James Bible and the English Standard Version for my library. The two can bookend and gang up on Christopher Hitchens’s God Is Not Great.

The price of a wandering curiosity is that there’s often too much in-fighting on my bookshelves. That’s why I have removed my favorite books to a separate shelf. You know: Obey Him, The Submissive Wife, Fascinating Womanhood, Good Wives, Urban Japanese Housewives, The Pleasure is All Mine, and Pink Think.

My gentle readers know I do not advocate any of these dangerous activities for any woman other than myself. I think women in our society today should be free to pursue whatever goals they chose. If you want to be vice-president or you want to be a stay at home mom, well that’s just peachy. Friends who have met my father - when he was around - will tell you he was a nice, open-minded, liberal fella as well. I guess that’s why the whole traditional ultraconservative male fascinates me so much. For me, the guys who take charge, order for both of us at restaurants, have the opinions, make the decisions, and is the No.1 Kingpin and breadwinner has always made me swoon. (Not to be misread as BDSM masters, which I have no interest in whatsoever).

Take Aubrey Andelin’s advice in Man of Velvet and Steel:

Women must return to their homes and serve their men. They are thinking too much of what they want to do rather than what they ought to do.

The man who allows his wife to hold the reins is also to blame and has failed in his leadership. He must, if he is a man, overpower her and regain his position as head of the household.

She is dependent on his understanding, his unselfishness, and consideration. She is dependent on his cooperation in reaching her objectives. He holds power over her, over everything she holds near and dear. Every desire of her heart is tied to him and his rule over her. When a woman marries, she puts her faith and trust in her husband. She gives up her freedom and moves into his camp.

Can you say swoon, swoon, and swoon?!

Shortly after 9/11, a friend of mine came over enraged about some “Anti-American” remarks Richard Gere made. Whenever the mention of “Anti-American” hits my ears, it always provokes one of those silent mouth repetition of the phrase while looking off into space. I told my friend that the very act of hearing someone make a comment which he or the government won’t appreciate, and the freedom of the speaker to intone those words, is really a thing that makes this country truly great.

There are Michael Moore haters and there are Michael Moore lovers. I don’t agree with everything he’s said and I often groan at his methods of presenting his views, but I definitely think it’s 100% patriotic of him to make that tremendous effort in using our constitutional freedom of speech.

Whenever I hear the phrase: “If you don’t like this country, then shut the hell up and get out,” I think THAT is THE MOST ANTI-AMERICAN comment possible. Only dictators in dictatorial countries say things like that.

Therefore, promising never to get involved in politics, but breaking that promise anyway (maybe I do have a career in politics after all!), I will insert a little quip for Michael Moore’s new and free little film to all Americans.

Watch it all here

The note below is from Michael Moore:
P.S. Remember, we’re doing something that’s never been done, so I have no idea how it will all go! Don’t give up if it seems to go slow (like with any streaming, give the downloading a head start before you hit play), and don’t forget there are two places where you can actually download it to your hard drive and three ways to stream it. You can get to all of them at the link above.

P.P.S. If you’re not yet registered to vote, here’s a good link: https://www.voteforchange.com/. There’s less than two weeks for you to get registered, especially if you have moved since the last time you voted.

Thus begins the first day of my favorite season of the year. Bring on all the plaid and woolen mufflers and v neck sweaters. It’s nice and chill again, and I can once again cover up in modesty instead of letting a litany of violations against good taste assault the public’s senses!

Also, today is the opening of the new season of Yo Gabba Gabba, and for those of you who are not inducted, let me just say that if there is one current celebrity who reflects my personal fashion philosophy in life, it is FOOFA from Yo Gabba Gabba.

Remember kids, Amy Sedaris of Strangers With Candy fame is making a guest appearance this season too. Woo-hoo!

1. I have an insatiable appetite for ultraconservative religious books and pamphlets on traditional marriage.

2. I have never seen the Rocky Horror Show, and when presented the opportunity, my attention immediately dissipated the moment Susan Sarandon’s prim-and-proper Janet Weiss gets overshadowed by the entrance of Dr. FrankNFurter.

3. I have never seen the Hedwig movie, nor do I care to.

4. I always dress down when I do go to a trans* night at a bar.

5. I sleep with fifteen stuff animals in my bed.

6. I was mugged in Rio de Janeiro at knifepoint.

7. I don’t have alcoholic flush, which means I don’t turn beet red when I consume alcohol.

8. I pogoed with a hundred thousand Scots to Big Country’s performance at Glasgow’s Big Day.

9. All my close friends are non-transgender men.

10. I gave a lift to 3/4 of the original Ornette Coleman Quartet in my Toyota. (Billy Higgins, Charlie Haden, Don Cherry).

This has been a particularly brutal summer. Those of you who know me will understand. I am so glad my favorite season is starting. I can’t wait to return to covering up my neck.

Sorry, didn’t mean to complain on the anniversary of 9/11. I plan to spend the day reading the beautiful story of Philipe Petit: To Reach the Clouds: My High Wire Walk Between the Twin Towers. There is a documentary film recently released called Man On Wire by filmmaker James Marsh.

The Twin Towers was one of my favorite structures as a child. A lesser known fact is that it’s designer and architect (Leslie Robertson is the structural engineer) was Japanese: Minoru Yamasaki also designed the Dharan Internation Airport in Saudi Arabia. The Twin Towers appealed to me in the same way the repetitive structures of Steve Reich, Philip Glass, and Phil Corner enabled my imagination to read into the space between matter.

I spent decades admiring the Twin Towers in all I found in the unsaid. And now, it’s difficult to find something to say for all that is no longer there.

I just noticed today that if you look at a Obama/Biden button quickly, you almost have all the necessary tools to construct Osama Bin Laden.

Childish? Yes, but who knows to what extent subconscious suggestion may come to play here? Mental midgets may be discouraged from voting for these guys without knowing why.

I think they should name their campaign trail Wide Minded Democrats ( WMD ) so Repubs can spend all their resources trying to track them down and end up empty handed.

Me, I’m smarter than that. I never let word association get the best of me. I voted for Ron Paul.

Here is the full length version of the very hilarious song from the TV Commercial for the new XBOX game Mercenaries 2: World In Flames. The song is called “Oh No You Didn’t” And it is written and performed by Chris Tilton and the Trashmen.

Any time you have a lily white collegiate chorus singing a glee containing ultra-violent gangsta lyrics, it’s instant entertainment.

As for video games, the last thing I played was Atari 2600: Superman. Yes, that one. The one where the world’s superhero looks like three lego blocks slapped together flying from one monochromatic screen to another searching for the magic key (Isn’t that life in one microcosm?).

We connoisseurs of the Atari 2600 system know that a big bag of magic mushrooms is the indispensable accessory to the complete gaming experience.

I could never understand a eating contest. I guess it’s just because stuffing hotdogs or turkey in between your jaws have trouble opening (see Kobayashi) seems like insanity. But that’s before I realize that it’s the choice of cuisine that was turning me off.

Now, a dish like Haggis!!! Well, that changes the story, totally. I first had my fill of this sheep’s liver and heart cooked in an inverted sheep’s stomach while in Glasgow, Inverness, and Edinburgh. Alright, I had some while staying in the Inner Hebrides too. Although Austin Powers’s Fat Bastard liberally quotes the Haggis, beloved Scottish poet Robert Burns does too as well. That’s something. Because correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t remember hearing Auden do a sonnet for Mickey-D’s.

Click here for BBC article on Haggis eating contest

Combine the Haggis with the eating contest and what do you get?

* 1 sheep’s lung (illegal in the U.S.; may be omitted if not available)
* 1 sheep’s stomach
* 1 sheep heart
* 1 sheep liver
* 1/2 lb fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
* 3/4 cup oatmeal (the ground type, NOT the Quaker Oats type!)
* 3 onions, finely chopped
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
* 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
* 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
* 3/4 cup stock

Wash lungs and stomach well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold salted water for several hours. Turn stomach inside out for stuffing.

Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Chop heart and coarsely grate liver. Toast oatmeal in a skillet on top of the stove, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomach, about two-thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking.

Press any air out of stomach and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed to maintain water level. Prick stomach several times with a sharp needle when it begins to swell; this keeps the bag from bursting. Place on a hot platter, removing trussing strings. Serve with a spoon. Ceremoniously served with “neeps, tatties and nips” — mashed turnips, mashed potatoes, nips of whiskey.

Last chance to wear white before Labor Day!

I always see this look whenever people hear my first name.

It’s that “AS IF!” look.

It’s a misconception. I’m here to say it. The name is actually inspired by a song from a childhood hero:

The song is The Sea Refuses No River and the first line is

I remember (love) being richer than a king,
the minutes of the day were golden.

And then later on:

The sea refuses no river,
We’re polluted now but in our hearts still clean.

Somewhere between these two lines - which I have felt a deep reverence for all these years - my favorite English word “lucent” morphed into a feminized-sounding equivalent and “Pristine” was born.