I can’t speak for all transvestites, but one of the things that have occurred to me over the weeks, is that there is a marked difference between transvestites and hormone/surgery-destined transgender folk. Honestly in all the excitement and reassertion of who should lay claim to the throne beneath the almighty T* umbrella, some of us have neglected to pay attention to differences. Here is what I think:

For transvestites, gender is an expression, not a lifelong sentence.

What does this phrase mean? For me, an expression could be fleeting. It could be something you can turn on and turn off. I personally see it in terms of an artistic expression. I think it’s important to understand this distinction, because even though I think transvestites do face discrimination and an equal amount of problems, violence, and lack of understanding in society AND communities, I also believe that to put transvestites in the same group as hormone/surgery-destined transgender folk may negate from the seriousness of the latter’s situation.

Many transvestites like myself value our “other” self as a part of identity. Look at the word itself: It is only transgressing in costume and dress. The hormone/surgery trans folk, on the other hand, are looking to replace the other self with a realization of their true self. It’s definitely a greater calling and demands a higher level of commitment.

That’s not to say transvestites don’t face their own set of problems. We do.

I’ve had to confirm many of these recurring scenarios with other transgirls, if only to establish the fact that I am not the only one who has been hearing them recycled. I was undecided as to whether I should post this one on my website because I don’t want to come off sounding “hard” (especially since those of you who know or have met me can already hear my laughter when you read this) But since it’s been getting so many laughs of recognition everywhere I post it, I decided to put it up here. So here it is:

Ten Things That Make A TransGirl Roll Eyeballs and go “No.”

1. I don’t have a photograph to send you.

Ok. Would you write to us if you had not seen our pictures first? No. So that line “I don’t want people to see me, you never know who’s out there looking” simply does not fly. We’re out there. Everyone sees us. That’s how you saw us and decided to reply.

2. I want to be 100% honest. I am married and my wife doesn’t know..

Seriously you guys get a gold star for fessing up. But you would fail at math, because I too want to be 100% honest: size doesn’t matter.

3. Drive over to see me, I live at this address..

I have never heard any real men asking real girls to do that on a first date. Unless that girl is very desperate. I am not even slightly desperate.

4. I have needs. I need lots of attention.

If I had to do that, I would date another girl, because then we can swap pretty dresses, do each other’s hair and never risk showing up at a function wearing the same thing. Woo-hoo!

5. I have always wanted to dress, can you help feminize me and let me try on your wardrobe?

I have heard of people being loved for their money. I have never heard of people being loved for their closet. Let me introduce you to my brother. Her name is Macy’s.

6. I am a straight heterosexual male, just so you know.

It’s never too late to change. But just so you know, when straight men check into a B&B it is with the understanding that he is getting Bed & Breakfast, not Bed & Bratwurst.

7. Meet me at a motel.

Why? I have nothing to hide. If it’s going to be only about sex, at the very least, make it only about sex in a nice warm comfy home setting…minus a screaming wife who is swinging a bat.

8. I’m not paying for a motel, you pay for it or we can find a quiet parking spot.

Men should realize there are things that are more durable and reliable for half the price of a motel room. And you only have to pay once. (No, shh…not a word baby, I know what you’re about to ask: rechargeable)

9. Nee How Mah? I have a thing for Asians, plus I’m WHITE.

Whatever. As long as you know that just because I was born in a British colonized country and that I’ve been exposed to a lifetime’s worth of Hollywood movies, I’m not gonna fawn over you just because you have the same skin color and features as…(weak, erotic gasp)…the fry-cook who works down at Mickey-D’s.

10. You’re pretty snotty for a fake chick.

I must be a fake chick, because it sure is raining fake men.