Pristine Angie’s Good Homemaker Adventures at www.d332.com

This is a repost of a response I wrote elsewhere on the internet some weeks ago. I have been meaning to post it here on my embattled fort, d332.com. (Friends will know the high drama that has been surrounding my personal life lately, the bane which caused my tardiness here). Online, a person had ruminated upon the apparent absence of deep, lasting friendships among non-op transgender people. Though there will undoubtedly be exceptions in any generalizations, I brought my attention to this observation and wrote the following thoughts:

I have sometimes wondered about the same things. Unfortunately, true friendship is not just a TG problem. It’s a function of time. As people get on in age, they are drawn to other committments, family, personal, and job matters. While it’s true that a man may find more “blood brother” type friends among other men, you also have to take into consideration the nature of a non-op TG identity.

When certain groups of TGs get together with each other, they are defined solely by their T*ness. In other words, if they removed all the wigs, dresses, makeup, perfume, inserts, and girly names, would there still be a reason to have a meeting, a bar night, and an outing? I think there should still be. But that separation to keep one world from colliding into the other, is, I think, the reason why a solid friendship is more difficult to develop among non-op, part-time transfolk.

I see these as growing pains of the collective consciousness of this segment of the Trans group. While crossdressing has been around for thousands of years, assimilation is just beginning to rear its head in terms of social integration into the mainstream. I think in order to beat the system of TG’s being “interiorized,” one has to reverse the concept of a trans identity that’s activity-based. In other words, hang out, be friends, visit family, do mundane things, and non-girly things (or things perceived to be ungirly…you know: hand tune a six-pack dual carb on a ‘69 ‘cuda). It can be the Seinfeld of transgirls’ night: A get-together about nothing. EVEN in drab clothing. Together or mix (one dressed, one drabbed) Once one breaks the barrier of being strictly t* and doing only trans activity-based stuff, there’s a better chance of a stronger bond developing.

I’m trying to support any trans friends I have, but in all honesty, if I got into any sort of trouble, it’s the straight non-trans friend who would be the first to come to a long-distance rescue.

Still I think we all have to make a concerted effort to evolve. Nothing worthwhile is accomplished overnight.

Here’s an interesting experiment: Regulars at a recurring trans* event all show up in drab for one night. Would the conversations be different? WHY? Would a different level of friendship develop? And if all else fails, at least the next time they meet all dolled up, there’d at least be a latent memory that other topics- aside from girltalk - are possible.

I have it from a very reliable model that this may prove to be an effective exercise: Any man that can accept a trans girl in both states have the greatest chance at a long-term relationship.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 17th, 2006 at 10:20 pm and is filed under Transgender. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.