Archive for April, 2008

Plain Janes and G.I Janes (Update: April 30)

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Tarzan and Jane

I was just thinking the other day how I was such a plain jane. But then I started to think about the three Jane’s. G.I. Jane (with which Demi Moore used to plunged her career to a speedy death) and Tarzan’s Jane. And there’s the tried-and-true Plain Jane. Of course, there’s also Jane Pratt, who created Jane Magazine, but fifty years is an awful long time to have only three Janes to go by.

One would think there’d be a proliferation of updated Jane’s to identify with.

How about:
Blogosphere Jane - crams 5,351,499 entries onto one page, invariably crashing anyone’s computer when he or she tries to access her site. Nobody really knows what she thinks (since nobody has ever read her site) but they do know it’s a good source for Lindsay Lohan pictures, updated usually on Friday night.

Troll Jane - patrolling the internet to start endless threaded arguments on excruciating minutiae that nobody cares about. Troll Jane always needs to have the last say on every topic in existence.

LOL Jane - somebody who incessantly pads their chat conversations and emails with LOL even when there’s no reason to laugh. (eg. “Your beloved mother just passed away? I wished mine would too. LOL!)

Starbucks Jane - a person who drags their laptop to a hip coffee shop to work on their screenplay, hoping to look intellectual and score a hottie at the same time. Starbucks Jane acquires a man on one side to balance out her coffee that is always in the other hand when she goes about town doing the smallest tasks.

GWUMCS Jane - Gangsta White Upper Class Suburbia Jane, who flashes gangsta signs on the webcam, twisting a pouty lip expression, all because of that rap mp3 on her I-Phone.

D332 Jane - a person who posts unnecessary quantities of self-portraits on their website for no apparent reason, but look like a cross between a young Abe Vigoda and an old Buddy Ebsen when you finally meet her in person.

There, that ought to do it.

Photo Update: One for the office pool (update: April 29, 2008)

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

Me in Vintage Brooks Brothers office outfit and Ros Hommerson heels

Well, here’s more snaps from the new improved Photoshop CS3. Very little retouching here, now that I’ve gotten that old fire detector out of the way!

Philips Targets Transgender Customers? (Update: April 28, 2008)

Monday, April 28th, 2008

When I was growing up, my favorite record to check out from the library was a record pressed by Philips called The Gregorian Chants of the Benedictine Mons of the Abbey of Saint-Mauries & Saint Maur, Clervaux. Every time I checked out that record, I looked at the library card and it had my name in a neat column all the way up to the top. In those days, whenever I went to Tower Records on Broadway NYC, I’d keep an eye out for the compact disc release of this title.

Eventually, it did come out. But my favorite track Resurrexi-Domine, probasti me was missing. I knew that Philips had the entire master recording from this abbey. So I started a letter writing campaign, declaring that they would be doing devotees of Gregorian Chants a great disservice by holding any additional recordings from these sessions in their vault.

Half a year later, the complete collection came out in a two disc set. I grabbed it immediately and Philips became my favorite brand across the board. And now this!

FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women of 2008 (updated April 27, 2008)

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Door

Elisha Cuthbert meeting the parents of Matt (Emile Hirsch) in 2004’s The Girl Next Door

FHM published their 100 sexiest women recently. It’s not something I profess to understand. I browse through the entire list of girls and only found a tiny handful that I thought came close to what I would consider sexy. But I guess I’m not exactly the best authority on this selection.

My list from the FHM’s 100 is only five:
4.Elisha Cuthbert - best scene is 2004’s Girl Next Door where she makes out with the protagonist’s mom and dad in the living room. That’s sexy.

28.Keira Knightly - Not exactly up to the “expectations” of American males, but I think she’s quite attractive in certain angles. She’s more sweet than sexy.

47. Alessandra Ambrosio - I’ve always thought Alexandra Ambrosio was attractive, even before she became a Victoria Secret model. When she was a young wispy thing on the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Her voice on the Hummer Commercial sounds not unlike Barry White’s, but who in the world cares when you are pretty?

69. Christina Ricci - I could have sworn she had her head shrunk. But whatever Christina Ricci is doing, she looks more F-A-B-U then ever.

63. Grace Park - never seen anything she has done, but she does look quite hot.

I can almost see Megan Fox making no.1 But I never understood tattoos on girls. Seems like the biggest turn-off when seen on the smooth feminine form.

But what about the new improved Taylor Swift?

1.Megan Fox
2.Jessica Biel
3.Jessica Alba
4.Elisha Cuthbert
5.Scarlett Johansson
6.Emmanuelle Chriqui
7.Hilary Duff
8.Tricia Helfer
9.Blake Lively
10.Kate Beckinsale
11.Hayden Panettiere
12.Angelina Jolie
13.Eva Mendes
14.Rihanna
15.Erica Durance
16.Lindsay Lohan
17.Kim Kardashian
18.Cameron Diaz
19.Ali Larter
20.Beyonce Knowles
21.Kaley Cuoco
22.Heidi Klum
23.Sienna Miller
24.Kristen Bell
25.Natalie Portman
26.Vanessa Hudgens
27.Selita Ebanks
28.Keira Knightly
29.Maria Sharapova
30.Rachel Bilson
31.Gisele Bündchen
32.Kate Bosworth
33.Halle Berry
34.Carmen Electra
35.Jessica Simpson
36.Adriana Lima
37.Evangeline Lilly
38.Katherine McPhee
39.Christina Aguilera
40.Cheryl Burke
41.Kristin Kreuk
42.Jennifer Aniston
43.Charlize Theron
44.Heidi Montag
45.Anna Faris
46.Shannon Elizabeth
47.Alessandra Ambrosio
48.Mayra Veronica
49.Katherine Heigl
50.Keeley Hazell
51.Anne Hathaway
52.Jenny McCarthy
53.Marisa Miller
54.Kate Hudson
55.Shakira
56.Tara Reid
57.Jennifer Love-Hewitt
58.Cassie Ventura
59.Eva Longoria
60.Fergie
61.Ellen Page
62.Nicole Scherzinger
63.Grace Park
64.Stacy Keibler
65.Katie Holmes
66.Leeann Tweeden
67.Liv Tyler
68.Kari Byron
69.Christina Ricci
70.Mischa Barton
71.Amanda Beard
72.Elizabeth Banks
73.Carrie Underwood
74.Kelly Hu
75.Pam Anderson
76.Rachelle Leah
77.Paris Hilton
78.Karina Smirnoff
79.Christine Lakin
80.Audrina Patridge
81.Mila Kunis
82.Alyssa Milano
83.Jenna Fischer
84.Maria Kanellis
85.Olivia Munn
86.Reese Witherspoon
87.Madonna
88.Shamron Moore
89.Rachel McAdams
90.Summer Glau
91.Ashley Collette
92.Maggie Gyllenhaal
93.Whitney Able
94.Olga Kurylenko
95.Lauren Conrad
96.Carmit Bachar
97.Amber Heard
98.The Olly Girls
99.Victoria Beckham
100.Britney Spears

McMansions, polo shirts, and argyle v-necks are the discarded husks of affluence.

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

mcmansion par excellance

One cannot fully comprehend the atrocities committed against the sensibilities of an aesthete until one is exposed to the architectural crime known as the McMansion. These are essentially oversized, garishly designed mega-homes made to dwarf surrounding houses, much the same way that SUV’s are driven to make other drivers feel like ….less of a driver(?).

It cannot be said enough times: If you have the money, what in the world are you doing in a neighborhood of cape cods, ranch homes, and lantern-holding jockeys?

In order to understand the phenomenon known as the McMansion, you have to first recognize the feeding frenzy of aspired affluence. With the industrial revolution and ready-to-wear couture, the “almost-haves” wear out their credit cards attempting to acquire all the peripheral trimmings of the haves.

Nevertheless, there’s always that self-consciousness. Look at Ralph Lauren’s Pink Pony line: It has the trappings of the recently washed masses, posturing with a “look at me! look at me! I’m with Ralph!” overstated at 120 dB.

The high style of fashion, once blazed by the likes of C.Z., Edie, and Isabella is all but gone.

One of the articles I have been pondering this whole year is a 1994 piece written by Cathy Horyn in U.S. Vogue Magazine. In the article High Visibility, she states “High society no longer brings anything of value to the evolution of style. Ralph Lauren appropriated all the old WASP symbols, so now anyone who wears Oxford shirts and velvet loafers can look like an Old Boy. All the new-money society figures of the eighties are passé; you don’t need a chastened socialite to tell you that understatement is in. The new styles that have emerged over the past few years have all come from the netherworld of club life.”

And that’s how I feel about McMansions. Credit must be given where credit was utilized to emulate old money. Mansions used to be big because it needed the space to house all the help that went into keeping the real mansions running. New McMansions have a small electronic organizer or appliance in each oversized room.

Somewhere out there, old money is laughing all the way to the bank while their RL and ANF stocks soar, and they shop at some no name New England boutique.

Photo Gallery Updated FINALLY! (April 25, 2008)

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Me and my Teddy Bear Stanislaus

Well, as promised…before the week is up. The photo gallery is officially caught up to date. From here on in, it’ll be all new stuff.

Photo Update: Return To The Classroom (update April 24, 2008)

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Pristine at d332.com shows the return of the schoolgirl transgender

Here we are. As promised. More pictures, daily updates, and I’ll get my gallery together before the week is over. You can count on it!

The Eroticism of Prim and Proper Dressing (update: April 23, 2008)

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

I absolutely adore this line from Ginia Bellafante’s article in the New York Times on June 1 2004 “Dressing the Post-Feminist Stepford Wife”


That the affluent homemaker’s uniform remains so compelling may have something to do with its undercurrent of eroticism, one that stems from a sense that the woman wearing it is a woman owned. ”Inside that presexual-looking girl in her lime-green twin set is that fully grown woman to whom only her husband has access,” said Eric Mendelsohn, a filmmaker, former costumer and professor of film at Columbia. ”When do these women look like fully realized sexual beings? When they are in private with their husbands.”

It should be noted that in Japanese culture, the presence of a prohibitive barrier only adds to the erotic charge. Many outsiders will view the black disk of censorship (currently pixellated screen) which is placed over the private parts in photographs as am unwelcomed nuisance. Not so for the Japanese.

That which is shielded actually adds to the erotic imagination. This makes sense when you look at the history of kimono design. To cover is to add to the sexual mystery.

In these modern times, when people go to the supermarket in Daisy dukes and a wet-t-shirt, that which is available to the imagination is a rare and precious item.

RSS NewsFeed and Daily Updates (April 22, 2008)

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Re-Edit of me in hip hugger superlows and white jacket top from 2003

I have updated my RSS Feed, so if you guys have a newsreader, you can simply do a search and type in “www.d332.com” and you’ll instantly subscribe to all the updates from this page. I am going to do it every day, so there’s no lag. I can’t promise it’ll be pictures every day, because I believe in quality over quantity. But I can promise they’ll be daily updates, and more pictures.

Above is a picture of me in 2003. One of my all time favorites from all the pics in my gallery. Nothing’s changed that much, except technology. What used to be a grainy 1.8 megapixel shot has been updated here today, courtesy of Photoshop CS3.

I know I know, people have been asking about the updated gallery. I’ll get to that before this week is up.

Promise!

Movie Review: Memoirs of A Geisha : A Piece of Art, Not A Documentary (updated April 21, 2008)

Monday, April 21st, 2008

Suzuka Ohgo as Young Chiyo in Memoirs of A Geisha
above: Suzuka Ohgo as Chiyo

As part of my stress test to watch all the movies I formally vowed never to watch, I proceded to Memoirs of A Geisha.

Oh dear. Where to begin? I watched the movie, all of the DVD extras on Disk 2, I read the opposing Amazon reviews, and also the original Arthur Golden book. Since every like/dislike under the sun seem already to have been voiced here, I will stay away from repeating and becoming a statistic.

Three things you should know before you begin criticizing this movie. 1) The creators repeated several times in the DVD Extra Disk 2 that their movie is an impression, not a documentary. 2)This is an American movie made in Hollywood. 3) This is a movie based on a book written by a Caucasian writer based on his interviews with a geishas, one of which was Iwasaki Mineko, who went on to write her own account called A Life (because she felt Golden had twisted the real story too much).

Ok. Item 1. I found the DVD Disk 2 more entertaining than the movie itself, because it put the movie next to historical archives. It was the creators’ way, I felt, of giving the actual historical facts some airtime. Watching DVD Disk 2 will help straighten out many of the arguments presented here in the Amazon reviews. The creators of MOAG did consult Liza Dalby, an author herself of several books on Geishas and Japanese kimonos. So if they wanted to, they could have devoted a large percentage of their resources towards getting the historical details fairly accurate. However, the creators stressed several times that MOAG was an impression, not a documentary. This impressionistic license means that the architecture, the kimonos, the Geisha life, dance, routine, hair, makeup are all based loosely on the actual facts. The set designer (a Hollywood set designer) went to Japan for a few weeks and distilled a little bit from one building, and some more from another, and threw it all together in a (con)fusion of anachronistic and cross-cultural impressionistic town sitting in the backlot of a California town. The costume maker, another non-Japanese who does not specialize in kimonos, did some research and started churning out a kimono every few weeks (where the real one takes a year and cost what an average Japanese man might make working full time for a year). Rob Marshall, the director of Chicago (and dancer/choreographer by profession) jazzes up the Geisha dance routine, requests that his version of the Geisha is presented as “supermodels of their day.” The silhouette of MOAG’s geishas are almost wasp-waisted, where the actual Geishas of that time emphasized cylindrical form in their kimono profile.

Japanophiles and Japanese people will undoubtedly scream murder, and they have the right to. However, if you keep in mind that MOAG is the product of the Western imagination, you will be able to watch the movie as entertainment. It would have been nice if they got the details spot on, but I doubt it will make the mainstream audience love it more.

Item 2. This is an American movie made in Hollywood, produced by Steven Spielberg. People who have watched Wim Wenders’s documentary Room 666 (where famous directors are asked about the future of cinema) will remember a long list of non-American directors carrying on about technology, craft, and the art of moviemaking, only to be followed by Spielberg, who sounded like an accountant whose primary concern was the bottom line. He talked about financing, funds, box office returns, and then he talked some more about money. Nothing wrong with that, but it explains the decisions they made for MOAG. You could make a movie with authentic Japanese actors speaking Japanese, with Shakuhachi, koto, and shamisen laden soundtrack, and get consultation from everyone from the Learning Channel to the History Channel. But on oepning night, the cinema will have only a handful of seats occupied by stuffy academics and bookworms. Instead, take John Williams’s music, throw in Itzhak Perlman, Yo-Yo Ma, then use all the biggest recognizable Asian actors in America, make it pretty, and pace it for American consumption. What do you get? Academy awards, money in the bank, and most importantly, thousands of people with newly whetted appetites who want to learn more about Japanese culture. The ones who have the consicentiousness to research further, will eventually obtain the accurate details anyway.

I’m not saying I understand this approach, but I do understand that this is an American movie made for American consumption.

Item 3. This movie is based on a book written by a Caucasian writer. Epistemologically speaking, this movie is already three steps removed from fact, if you count Mineko’s self-editing in re-telling her story. There’s also the case of Mineko who did not speak English as a first language, and Golden who did not speak Japanese as a first language. There’s a wide chasm between transmission and perception even by the time the story reaches book form. Art is not always obligated to truth. And the history of art has always been driven by what each interpreted work (in each artist’s reiteration of the fashionable themes of his or her day) revealed about the interpreter and not the interpreted. If Marshall is a choreographer, then it is only logical that he speaks in a medium he is most familiar with, dance.

Though quality is not being questioned here, I am reminded of digital photography’s golden rule: if you don’t begin with the best original picture, subsequent edits can only go downhill from there. Both Golden and Rob Marshall never pretended they know what goes on in the pure Japanese consciousness when they dispatch their respective versions of MOAG. What I know of Japanese consciousness comes from zen koans, kimonos, the art of Ike no Taiga and Tawaraya Sotatsu, but I can tell you Memoirs of a Geisha has very little evidence of it.

With all that said, I thought the movie was watchable, and it was not slow. People who complained about Zhang Ziyi’s acting may want to be reminded of the Japanese classical tradition of Noh, where masks are worn during the performance, and facial expressions hidden. Combined this with the Japanese tendency to subtlety and hidden connotations, and you begin to realize maybe restraint was an intention, and expecting her to act like Lindsay Lohan may be slightly ethnocentric. Michelle Yeoh does a good job being the stately mentor to Sayuri, but her curiously orange hair did raise my eyebrows. I think the opening of the movie left out an important part of the book. We don’t really know the reasons why Tanaka sold the two little girls to the okiya. In the book, we know that their parents were very poor and they lived in a country fishing village. The father was barely making ends meet, and the mother was dying. It could be proposed that the parents agreed to their girls being sold off because that was, by comparison, a better life than that which they could barely offer. If you begin on this premise, then it gives you a very different perception of what it meant to be a geisha, even though geishas are correctly depicted as people who did not have a choice.

The movie is paced better than the book, and it made a story (that is already geared for public consumption) move right along. However, there were dozens of times where I found myself saying “gosh, if I hadn’t read the book, I could not make the leap from the previous scene to this one.” For example, we see Hatsumomo finding Sayuri’s face on a poster. All that is left out includes the detail that Mameha’s meteoric rise to fame came from her appearance on a poster for a celebrated annual festival. In the book, Mameha choreographed a very Japanese “dance” where Sayuri goes to the poster artist’s disheveled studio and hangs out until the “suggestion” is “introduced” to him that he has a brilliant idea of using Sayuri for a model. These low-key transactions are what reminds me of traditional Asian (and Japanese) etiquette.

For the purpose of the movie though, I guess it was enough to tell what it needed to tell.

So if you can suspend your allegiance to factual and historical details for two hours, then it’s entertainment in the form we recognize it to be. Suzuka Ohgo as the young Chiyo is absolutely adorable, and the movie is a good (but light) exposure for some of the biggest Chinese actresses working today. Gong Li’s Hatsumomo translates onscreen better than it did in the novel, as her character, like Golden’s story, is really about the passing of time. Watch the dvd extra on Disk 2 to round up your Hollywood intro to Geishas. If you want to go deeper and enter the actual Japanese world of storytelling, one can start with Mizoguchi, Kurosawa, and Ozu. There is also a whole pantheon of Japanese films that never make it to the US. Film lovers owe it to themselves to explore the birthplace of Clint Eastwood westerns, Star Wars, and some of Jacques Rivette’s most memorable masterpieces.