Archive for December, 2008

Movie Review: Incident at Loch Ness (update: December 31, 2008)

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

A truly scary documentary about the moment man finally comes in contact with a prehistoric monster which, up to the release of this film, has totally been hailed as one of the biggest hoax of modern day. Hollywood dude Zak Penn teams up with famous German dude Werner Herzog to embark on a journey to Inverness in Northern Scotland where the Loch Ness, a lake, resides. Shortly after Werner arrives, it becomes so clear that Zak Penn, as the producer has like, a totally major Hollywood production in mind, whereas Herzog thinks he is set out to make another Herzog meditation on the human nature and the pursuit of dreams. As if!

When things start to fall apart, Herzog threatens to walk off, but instead other crucial crew members jump ship in the middle of the night. What follows is just so like… unbelievable! OMG! GET OUT!!!!!! Here for the first time is totally clear, totally uncut totally unaltered images of the awesome Loch Ness Monster, totally unrehearsed, totally real. This documentation will finally convert all the naysayers into believers.

Yeah yeah, the bookworms might harp and carry on about this film being an allegorical vehicle on the creative act that goes into film-making, that the search for something that doesn’t exist is a metaphor akin to a sea captain’s white whale, a president’s WMD, or every man’s lifelong search for the unattainable. They may even add that Zak Penn is the embodiment of the capitalistic concept of film as entertainment, achievement as winning versus Werner’s notion that film as revelation, and a discovery of the self. Or they will haughtily observe that this film may be inspired from that other film from the 60s, the happening in the park, Psychosymbioxtstatsis, or that the mythical creature of the Loch Ness, is in fact, Werner, and that the notion of adventurous film-making, which Herzog pioneered and which so many of us believed in once, is now quickly being replaced by the easy CGI computer generated films, where an ant could easily push a steam ship over a mountain without even yelling at the cinematographer for a burger. Like…whatever!

But let’s face it, all these heady intellectual discussions pale to the moment you see what we all come to this movie to see.

Everyone’s really mean to Zak Penn though. I deduct one star from this film for Werner being such a total jerk to Zak. It’s totally uncool that a guy who does a movie about the Dalai Lama could turn out to be such a complete frienemy. If you listen to the audio commentary on the second round, you will get more of it. I honestly don’t understand it.

Zak’s just doing exactly what Werner does in all his films.

Movie Review: Suicide Club (update: December 31, 2008)

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

Great. People use to think all us Asian people know Kung-Fu and dry-cleaning. Now add to that the ability to explode like a David Letterman watermelon every time our bodies impact something hard. While, Westerners in other movies merely hit the ground with an unprotesting thud, the sound Asian bodies make when they hit concrete in Sion Sono’s Suicide Club is halfway between an ornate Baroque (nee. taco-bell) flatulence and a Jackson Pollack drip painting made inside a mosh pit.

Show offs.

Sion Sono’s film Suicide Club, for me, is a film about the erosion of Japanese culture. While it gives a nod in the direction of Robert Bresson (mentioned in the script), it also draws from the work of Michael Haneke (A Bresson disciple). The speculation of cultures that are so steeped in rote repetition they have all but lost sight of their purpose in existence, is a driving theme behind Haneke’s 7th Continent (where a family who tries to break free of daily drudgery by suicide ends up applying the identical 9-5 formula to killing themselves).

A film that is not traditionally resolved by “answers” is bound to stumble audiences, but the Suicide Club shows many hints along the way. Consider the discovery of the “skin-scroll,” a scroll of human skin stitched together into a continuous riddle without words. The Japanese E-Makimono picture scroll is a tradition that presented storytelling in horizontal scrolls during the Kamakura period (11th-14h century) in Japan. The rich visual allusion to human flesh being incorporated into a scroll depicting recent event serves to illustrate how even the media of a traditional art form has changed. If anything, the Suicide Club is a story of time and the force of change. It’s no surprise that the greatest point of tension is a train station, where by definition, a schedule of an arriving train is defined by a clock.

The Suicide Club reminds me of Chan is Missing in that it tries to solve a mystery by inspecting peripheral evidence. It goes down many wrong leads, but those wrong leads inevitably turns up new insights into the problem at hand. Look at the first suspect: People with tattoos. The police first saw a suspect in people with tattoos. In airports in Japan, passengers with tattoos are often associated with the Yakuza (Japanese mafia) and consequently denied entry into the country. That lead – much like the tendency to blame all of society’s ills on the most convenient culprit: gangs- led nowhere. Next, a mysterious internet user by the name of “the bat” was traced down. But when the bat gets kidnapped by a bunch of rock-and-rollers, despite all their posturing of sporting blond hair, acting like a cross between David Bowie, Dr. Frank-n-Furter, and Mad Max’s Toecutter, they get caught, and it appears that neither the cultural imperialism from the West, nor the pervasive internet (the reduction of lives into mere dots, an allusion to the pixelated representation of the modern self online) had anything to do with the murders. (An observation here: Japanese guerilla films have a tendency to use Western motifs during tremendous acts of violence: witness opera and the music of Bach being utilized during execution style scenes in Battle Royale, blond-haired Asian villains in the films of Takashi Miike, and Gaelic jigs sounded right before the Suicide Club’s 54 students hop onto the oncoming train in the opening scene, no doubt a legacy of associating all things West with…*cough* Hiroshima… violence)

So who is killing the kids of Japan? I think all signs point to the youth of today. It eventually becomes apparent that the children, the up-and-coming generation, are the ones who are destroying culture as Japanese people have known it to be. The children are the gallery of peers even the heroine has to answer to in the climactic moment of self-realization. The child band “Dessart” separates Detective Kuroda’s family’s attention when he calls for a kitchen table meeting with wife and kids. A poster of the prepubescent pop group reveals an abstract code of numbers imparted by hand signs. The school kids egg each other on to suicide during a school lunch break.

Ironically, (and like Haneke’s 7th Continent) the model of traditional Japanese conformism is being outmoded not by individuality; it is being replaced by *another* form of conformism. So the route of escape presented by the new generation is nothing but a repackaged brand of group allegiance.

The utterance of “how much one is connected to oneself”- for example- is the moral of the story. Combining Japanese Kata (the correct and only way to do something”) and Japanese etiquette (hospitality consisting of sparing others inconvenience) one immediately sees how these traditional ways are rendered obsolete when the modern man selfishly considers his connection to himself (before his traditional Japanese consideration to his fellow man) and randomly jumps to his death from a balcony. Because he didn’t take the trouble to see if anyone was below, he lands on a girl, who, instead of being concerned about a dying friend in the street, rushes into a bar, gloating over how she may have been physically deformed from someone landing on her. The focus of the phrase “connection to oneself” is played out repeatedly in how the folks of present day are so self-absorbed, they have lost touch with the tradition of the Japanese Kata.

In the final scene, when detective Shibusawa runs to the train station to “save” Mitsuko. She rejects his hand and instead –on her own volition- steps into a train that takes her away (into the future). For me, the Suicide Club is both a critique of the conformity in Japanese culture, and an ethnographic inspection of how that culture is attempting to break away from the traditional codes.

However, is it really breaking away? After all, every train’s destination eventually leads to the station it departed from.

Jane Hathaway Chic (update: Dec 29, 2008)

Monday, December 29th, 2008

Bet those three words never got uttered in one breath, but it’s true: I guess I was complicit in mentioning Nancy Kulp’s name in one of my recent posts. Someone just remarked to me: “I got it! I can sum up your dressing style in two words: Jane Hathaway.

At first, I panicked. Thinking it was that nice attractive girl that everyone likes so much these days. But no: That’s Anne Hathaway. (Well heavens! it could be worse: if I am ever told there’s even twelve degrees of separation between me and Gwyneth, Angelina, or Beyonce….I would positively die!).

Happily, Jane Hathaway is the stickly, banker girl from The Beverley Hillbillies, voted as possibly America’s homeliest tv girl ever (yayyy!!!). I’ve never seen an episode before, so I decided to tune in after that comment was made about me. Sure enough, outfit after outfit, I was like “OMG! SHUT UP! I HAVE THAT EXACT OUTFIT! NO WAIT, I WORE THIS OTHER OUTFIT JUST LAST NIGHT!!!!”

Some interesting facts about Nancy Kulp:

Long divorced, she came out of the closet at the age of 67 and admitted she was a lesbian.

Had a Masters Degree in English & French from the University of Miami (Fla.)

Ran as a democratic candidate in Pennsylvania, but lost only after that dastardly Barnaby Jones shot from the hip and ran an ad for her opponent, stating that she was “too liberal.”

Contrary to the “love-starved” persona she portrayed in The Beverley Hillbillies, Kulp had a steady stream of admirers and dates among Hollywood’s showbiz community.

Can you say: cool?!

Merry Christmas Everyone! (Update: December 25, 2008)

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

2008 is one of the most wonderful Christmas ever.

Sure: there are police squad cars at every corner of department stores because with this horrid economy and record unemployment, people are shoplifting to uphold the spirit of Christmas.

But it’s not about that. And I’m hoping the bad times will nudge people towards focusing on the true spirit of Christmas.

Believe it or not, I actually get more excited on every Christmas Eve than New Year’s eve.

What people traditionally treat as the beginning of a New Year, I just shrug it off as a mere numbers game.

But the Birth of Christ. Well that’s a posh affair.

Year after year, I actually run outside at the stroke of midnight turning into December 25 and look into the night, inhaling a big lungful of air. Has humanity change? Is it going to be more wonderful this year between now and next Christmas?

Oh sure, lots of folks have read their agenda into the baby Jesus. If anything is for certain, it’s that history’s greatest error in grammatical inversion was that God made man in his image.

Well, for me then, the birth of Christ has always meant the birth of an idea. That idea is a mix of compassion, tolerance, kindness, and love.

So when I go around town, I say “Merry Christmas” to everyone. For me, it doesn’t denote a selfish desperate hanging on to an old tradition. “Merry Christmas” simply means, “let us all celebrate the day when mankind thought enough to create a concept that promotes compassion, tolerance, kindness, and love.”

So: Merry Christmas to you!!!

The “Whale Tail” (update: dec 22, 2008)

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

It’s a good thing I am now at an age when I can no longer wear too-superlow hip hugger jeans without the villagers showing up at my doorstep with torches. (the fight usually breaks out because they have to compete with the other group of angry villagers who are there at my doorstep every night with torches.)

But I recently heard a term paired with the fashion of ultra low riding jeans. “Whale-Tail.”

I didn’t know what it meant, so I googled it, and I got this:

An unintentional display of a thong etc above the waistband of hip-huggers, or low-rider jeans.

Refusing to leave well alone, I typed in “etymology” and “whale tail.”

And it’s true what they say: you learn something everyday.

whale tail

(note: aren’t those plaid curtains just darling?)

Jersey Girls Go Places (update: Dec 16, 2008)

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

We all know how Manhattanites (actual ones and hypocritically, the outer borough dwellers as well) like to tease New Jersey residents as “bridge and tunnel.” Combined this with the notorious reputation of the “Jersey Girl” and the Jersey trans girl pretty much has her work cut out for her.

But look carefully at some of the historical “Jersey girls” and you will realize that the Garden State is the birthplace to some of the most unique “Trans” girls.


Jane Wyatt, lockjaw competitor to Nancy Kulp

1. Jane Wyatt – (Mahwah, New Jersey) -true American royalty, whose ancestors included the Van Rensselaers, and the signers of both the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution. She got delisted from the prestigious New York Social Register to pursue a career in acting, ending up as the transplanted midwestern mother Margaret Anderson in Father Knows Best who sported a curiously misplaced Locust Valley Lockjaw accent.

Margaret is like that wife who has that little something extra, causing midwestern neighbors to wonder, “who was she before she became Jim’s wife? Was she from Dutch Gold Coast or Long Island Gold Coast?”


2. Millie Perkins (Passiac, New Jersey)
– twice as adorable as Audrey Hepburn, but plays Jewish Anne Frank, even though the story mysteriously paralleled Hepburn’s own in the Netherlands during the German invasion of WWII.

For the rest of her career, Perkins would be remembered for a role that was all about keeping it hidden.

3. Tara Reid (Wyckoff, New Jersey) – how can you go from Maxim hottie, to horror movie queen to lipo horror story all in one lifetime? One word: Taradise. If there’s ever a model Jersey girl who can live up to the moniker “Party Monster” it would have to be our girl Boozilla (and we say this in the most reverential way). Even though she runs with the likes of Lindsay and Paris, we actually think she’s rather sweet and wholly undeserved of all the mean things people say about her (they’re all just jelis!).

Who can look pretty as a peach and drink dudes under the table?

Our Tara of course!


Eva Marie Saint with the No.1 bleeped advice of the 50s: “Never make love on an empty stomach”

4. Eva Marie Saint (Newark, New Jersey) – back when Newark was still pre-op, Saint went from Brando’s girl to Hitch’s girl (the kept but then not-kept, perpetually in-motion girl in North by Northwest), from tenement housing to lavish Populuxe, all on the top of four presidents’ heads.


Kissing Brad Pitt was “totally gross”

5. Kirsten Dunst (Point Pleasant, New Jersey) – always playing the perpetual outsider, Dunst transported the dumb blond Hollywood routine into the thinking feeling blond. She also earned instant brownie points by being possibly the only girl who has ever kissed both Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt and described the opportunity as “totally gross.”

Female Role Models (update: December 11, 2008)

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Though my peculiar habits as a boy of the cloth started around age 7, (Something my mom vehemently denies, despite my pleas to her to check with our then maid, who caught me playing with her Chanel No.5 perfume and lavishing around in cropped jackets and lipstick when I thought nobody was home) and the first girl I adored was our ever cheery Protestant pastor’s daughter, it was not until the early eighties when I started to form an image of the type of girl I would come to admire, emulate, and develop towards.

Long before Audrey Hepburn, the girls I fascinated over were fresh faced, ribbon-wearing, nice girls. It shouldn’t be any surprise as it sounds like a logical continuum from the pastor’s daughter. Keep in mind also that these were the Reaganomic years, when Preps were battling with hair band warriors: ruffle white blouses and pink ribbons was my idea of a hip outfit. My first one was purchased from Bamberger’s.

I recently saw a rerun of Meatballs II. As tempted as I am to go into a discussion on the comparative cinematography between Meatballs II and Eisenstein’s Batteship Potemkin, I have to answer to a greater calling. The whole look Kim Richards sports just brings back such a rush of memories.


I immediately realized that even my delight with Audrey Hepburn was simply a progression of all the things I loved about girls since the days I was just learning to walk: clean, prim, sweet with nice personalities, peter pan collars, ribbons in hair and a full frontal set of bangs. Ahhhhh! Who could ever forget Olivia Newton John’s Sandy at the beginning of Grease (lovely) before she turned into a permed leathered swamp creature (horrors!) at the end of the movie? Or Olivia Newton John full of ribbons and ruffles in Xanadu? To this day, the moment Susan Sarandon’s demure Janet Weiss disappears in the Rocky Horror Show (even before Frankfurter’s fishnets appear) I immediately switch the channel to something more interesting.

Perhaps that’s why aspiring to all the personae of sex vixens, powermad bdsm mistresses, porn stars, rock stars, muddied Aguilera goddesses like FHM foldouts continue to hold absolutely no appeal to me.

If you ever want to find me in a crowded establishment where stilettos and little black dresses abound, all you have to ask is “did you guys see that Quaker girl come by just now?”

You’ll find me.

Movie Review: It’s A Boy Girl Thing (update: Dec 09, 2008)

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

kevin zegers samaire armstrong elton john it's a boy girl thing

Gender swap comedies are a motif that Hollywood revisits every decade or so. There was Switch (1991), The Hot Chick (2002), and now It’s a Boy Girl Thing. Coming out of the 80s, when women wore square shoulder corporate suits and fought the glass ceiling, there was an aggression that Ellen Barkin captured. Coming out of the 90s, when gender confusion was hip, the Hot Chick followed suit. These days however, when (young) girls flash gang signs on myspace, Muay Thai kickbox each other on the head at youtube, and curse like truck drivers, Samaire Armstrong, playing her neighbor Woody trapped within, has a much harder time showcasing the rift between the sexes.

I mean c’mon: Girls today act more like boys than boys girls.

With all her shrugs, posturing, manly strut, spitting, and cursing bravado, it all but sounds like a typical girl I see in the malls.

Kevin Zegers, on the other hand, lives up to the part by pulling out all the stops on the suddenly sensitive, suddenly well-dressed, suddenly effeminate (or stereotypically gay) football jock.

One of the bonuses the story of this movie contains is the concept of “access.” In many gender swapping movies, the humor and plot is based on what one sex discovers about the other half once he or she inhabits the other’s body. In It’s A Boy Girl Thing, that access takes a sharp turn midway into the movie, and suddenly each character discovers what is being said about him/her from the house next door. Woody (a high school football star with loud parents), inhabiting Nell’s body finds out what Nell herself, taking after her mother’s bourgeois snobbishness, had said about him. Nell (a preppy girl headed for Yale), inhabiting Woody, learns that the neighboring fathers, once friends, had been pushed apart by her own snobbish mom. With this revelation, Nell (with Woody inside) suddenly realizes where his place is in society.

Once the gender swap plot fades into a (social) class swap story, and the battle of the sexes becomes a battle of the classes, THEN Samaire Armstrong’s acting comes alive.

I find movies about swapping roles always have a latent social critique. Of course the fact that Elton John is the executive producer helps me read into the notion of how one’s environment and natural disposition will factor strongly in determining destiny. It’s a visual pun on “coming out.”

Well the movie is sweet and the romance is snuggle up nice. It wasn’t laugh out loud funny, but then again, that may have more to do with the age of this reviewer than the movie itself.

The Asterisk is the Wildcard (update: Dec 3, 2008)

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Whenever I hear of a celeb checking in to be treated for sex addiction (David Duchovny was the most recent) I’m always amused. We are in a culture whose failing economy is presently running only on the sales of Ci*lis, Vi*gr*, and Extenze (you know, the people who email you and pretend to be your mother but you know it isn’t because last time you checked, her “a” key on her computer keyboard worked fine?)

Given the fact that people of failed relationships invest millions of dollars on getting that tingling feeling back between their legs, I would imagine a sex addict clinging on to his (or her, but rarely) disease like gold.

Fot T* girls, the oft used label of “sl*t” could stand in as the lesser cousin of the sex addict. A sl*t, however, needs partners; whereas sex addicts only need to steer clear of carpal tunnel syndrome. To date, I have yet to see a vase painting with amputee satyrs.

But it does make me ponder the poststructural aspect of identity. Before the clinical term of “sex addict” was developed by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) in the 90s to return unemployed therapists to work, what would a sex addict consider himself? We’ve heard “randy.” In the Austin Powers movie, the protagonist actually harnesses this state into his mojo. How did sex addicts see themselves in the eighties, seventies, sixties? Maybe, in the absence of relief, they could have been seen as bipolar passive aggressives with attention deficit disorder. But those terms weren’t around even then.

Or maybe they were just seen as gods.

So now this leads me to think about the term Transgender. Before the label was widely used in the 90s and included in the DSM, I was hunkered down in my university’s psychology department library, deliciously reading the case studies in George W. Henry’s Sex Variants: A Study of Homosexual Patterns (1948) and Magnus Hirschfield’s Sexual Anomalies and Perversions (1956). Sure, assimilated (ie. straight-acting) gay historians now look back and dismiss these books for shabby scientific method, portraying gay men as repressed and effeminate acting. For me, however, the gorgeous -almost poetic – prose within the case studies was a gateway to artistic expression of the persona.

Once I dreamt I was fixing a radio and suddenly I got a very beautiful form of music. My father raised his head from the sofa. I was considered by doctors an emotionally unstable child. Howard N pg 507 Henry

I didn’t go out at all. I was much more interested in my sister’s dolls than boy’s games. I wanted to be a girl and I disliked rough dirty boys. I was timid, sissy, and fearful, afraid of strange men. Paul A pg 233 Henry

What Friedan’s Feminine Mystique did to awaken disenchanted suburban housewives coming out of the 50s, Henry’s and Hirschfield’s books put me on the map. I guess that’s why to this day I never force anyone to refer to me as “transgender.” If they called me instead “a limp wristed homosexual sissy who likes to please men,” it’ll be perfectly alright by me.

I’d live for art before I seek validation. The survival of my persona is more important than belonging to a group.