Archive for May, 2009

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Macs are like cats: it’s the owners who give them a bad name. (update: 5-29-2009)

Friday, May 29th, 2009

from www.livecrunch.com

I’ve been due for a new computer for a while now. Mine is 8 yrs old. I’ve been looking into getting a Mac Pro, since the two biggest things I use a computer for, music sequencing and Photoshop, are native Mac programs. I also heard that the new OSX can run Windows as well and quite fast.

But Oh My God are Mac users ANNOYING when they are around non-Mac users! I only know 2 Mac users who are normal, pleasant people (you know who you are). I notice the nice Mac users never talk about using Macs. They have more interesting things in their lives to talk about than the brand of their computers. The rest of the lot are the biggest social irritants I’ve ever come across. Even the TV commercials reek of poseurhood. The whole commercial is based on browbeating PCs with some hipster actor being suffocatingly condescending to some stuffy office dude. (As if this sort of social positioning will warrant a software architecture being better designed).

And how much of it is really about being seen with a Mac? I always thought it’s what you can do with your tools, and not what tools you owned. Selling a product as a fashion statement and a lifestyle is nothing new, much like Starbucks sells mediocre coffee for more price per cup than whale vomit. (You’re paying for the F.Scott Fitzgerald quote on the side of the recycled papercup as you write your screenplay sipping latté. They should try a George Bernard Shaw quote that may help the aspiring writers: “What pryce salvation nah, Guv’ner?”)

If you are a PC user, you can’t have a normal conversation with a Mac user. They have to throw their righteous indignation in your face, 100% certain that their endless proselytizing of how PC’s are crap and Mac is superior. If Mac is so superior, those of you who are old enough will remember less than 10 years ago when the company was a few months closer than GM to going bankrupt. Then they came out with the iMac and the cube, with shiny pretty colors and cute designs. It sold a mere tool as a fashion accessory.

I’m not particularly fond of Bill Gates, and Mac is a good piece of equipment, but it’s a piece of equipment. I can’t even fathom the Mac employers that pen their standard job description: “Must be a daily Mac user or else need not apply.” Now, I know how to use a Mac. I even put up a nice place for my Mac Model M0001 128K. How’s that for brand loyalty. But so what? I have to use it EVERYDAY before you will consider me for the position? If you are a garage owner, do you write “foreman must be a daily Snap-On Tools user in order for interview to be considered?” Does a fry cook need to deep fry every one of his meals everyday in order to be considered for the position? Come on!

Mac reviews online can never just regale a Mac for being a good computer without somehow ribbing PC’s somewhere in the write-up. What is that popular saying that only shady used car salesmen bad-mouth their competitors down the road? (I think I saw it on the side of a Dunkin Donuts coffee cup) If you know you got a good product, you don’t waste your time going around insulting other people’s operating systems. To date, I haven’t heard a BSD, Linux, or Unix person say a bad thing about anyone.

Many Mac users have an attitude that curiously resemble that of the current batch of coarsely-grated liberals. I think they’re probably just jealous that the abbreviation “PC” has been snatched up by their competitor.

I call it acronym envy.

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Truth in Brand Name Advertising (update: May 24, 2009)

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

Friends always tell me that I need to import my 1100+ entries from my other blogs over here. I merely shrugged and answered, “why recycle when you can create something new?” So here goes:

Needless to say, many introductions falter at the point when my first name is uttered. I love the way it sounds more than what it stands for. But if it’s a point of contention, we can go there too.

First off, with the caricature transgender girls suffer from stand-up comics, we really owe it to ourselves to dispell the stereotype of being wh*res who can’t give it away for free. In many cases, this would include many married men who go to bars in dresses and doth protest too much “I’m not gay!” when their mouths are full.

Even though most of my close friends look like hellraisers, we motivate each other to be true, chaste, and devoted in our relationships. In one of my favorite lines of advice from one of my three best friends: “whenever you get the tingles and your partner is not around, take matters into your own hand, then decide whether it’s worth it or not to do what you’re thinking of doing.”

I guess that should be the beginning line of my story of how I became the all-time Olympian Iron-Man triathlete who dangerously courted carpal tunnel syndrome with near Guinness stats when it came to taking matters into one’s own hand.

To this day, my friends and I laugh scoffingly at the pill-popping folks who peaked in high school, and are presently wilting. We’re like that runaway train Jon Voight was standing on top off with the brakes yanked out. The only difference is that our railroad tracks have Teflon Axle grease and B’laster Penetrating Catalyst Oil on the steel rails.

And you know what? None of us cheat. We hang tight. Sure, I may name drop an occasional Bukkake or Donkey Punch reference here and there for laughs, but deep down inside, the traditional wifely devotion will always be the closest thing to my heart. (just ask the guys who’ve emailed me here. They’ll testify. btw: thanks, it’s terribly flattering, I know I only have a few good years left, but the answer is still no: I got a man.)

I always roll my eyeballs at prim people (without realizing people say that about me behind my back). But somedays, it actually feels quite nice and worthwhile to be chaste: I can look myself in the mirror and say, “somewhere out there in a room, there’s 150 naked guys standing around waiting to unload, and I’m ok being at home alone with Audrey Hepburn movies, my stuff animals, and a book.”

Posted in Society, Stepford Wife, Transgender | 1 Comment »

10 Desert Island Jazz Albums (You Want Me To Say Kind Of Blue…I Won’t) May 23, 2009

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

Bill Evans: You Must Believe In Spring

An advertisement slip just fell out of my Blossom Dearie Comden and Green CD. It’s a Verve ad that lists 10 Desert Island Jazz albums. Needless to say, it’s probably all titles belonging to the Verve / Polygram Group. Since I have greater freedom as a non-partisan and a highly decorated know-nothing, I offer here, my 10 desert island Jazz albums.

Keep in mind that this is the girl who, when asked at 16 what she would pick as her main song for her Junior High School Dance, chirpped, “Seascape” from Bill Evans’s I Will Say Goodbye. Then at 17, when she got her first CD player as a gift, it was accompanied with Keith Jarrett’s Facing You.

1. You Must Believe In Spring (Bill Evans)
Listening to Bill Evans’s piano playing in the 50s is like walking through a shimmering, glass-beaded curtain. Bill Evans’s piano in the 70s became a drop of water in a large, motionless lake.

2. Blue Train (John Coltrane)
Have you ever seen all those old photos of people kicking up a storm on the dancefloor dancing to jazz? So you go off and listen to Kenny G and try to shake your booty, but you end up saying: “I can’t dance to this crap.” And you would be right on both counts. Listen to Blue Train (and not just because hipsters have the poster of this album cover on their living room). It grooves. Your buttocks will automatically shimmy the way “Blue Train” throttles between double time and it’s set tempo, no more than 90 seconds into the song.

3. Silent Tongues (Cecil Taylor)
There were several albums I could not decide on, and considered replacing them with ones that I had to bump (cheat) into the last two bonus albums. But there are albums that are absolutely beyond consideration when it comes to replacing. Cecil Taylor’s Silent Tongues is one of them. My greatest accomplishment in educating earst in listening to jazz was that one time I brought a genius pharmaceutical student (he got kicked out) to a library at the Rutgers Institute of Jazz Studies. I put on Silent Tongues and showed him how there was a deep, serious groove running through Taylor’s 20th century European harmonic structures. Underlying all that modernity is a historical journey through Art Tatum, Bud Powell, Al Haig, and the blues of the Mississippi Delta.

4. Portraits In Jazz (Bill Evans Trio)
Many people have a blueprint passage they hear when the word jazz is uttered. For me, it’s always been the shimmering breakout point on either versions of “Autumn Leaves” on this album. It swings furiously.

5. Miles Davis and the Modern Jazz Giants
Miles’s open trumpet is the warmest trumpet sound that will ever emanate through your body in “The Man I Love.” And yes, both versions swing too. I must have a thing for heavy swinging songs. (Don’t take the adjective the wrong way!) There is only one other instance that a trumpet can actually heat up a room, and that is Valery Ponomarev’s “I Remember Clifford.”

6. Live in Europe Vol. 2 (Eric Dolphy)
Whenever people fawn over Sinatra’s The Way You Look Tonight, I always say, “it’s good, but when you really want to emote those lyrics, I would not sing it that way.” When you are excited about how great someone looks, your hormones blossom like a Goldberg glissando in the hands of Glenn Gould. Dolphy’s The Way You Look Tonight is literally an eruption of notes. This was a pickup gig in Copenhagen, and as the liner notes say, Danish pianist Bent Axen gets lost trying to follow Dolphy’s tirade of notes, so he just stops playing altogether. It’s a musical pun on “I’m speechless at how FABU your dress is!”

7. Word of Mouth (Jaco Pastorius)
When I first bought this record, I sold it to a used record store. After Jaco passed away, I borrowed this CD to listen to again, and I wept for hours, bemoaning the loss. People go on and on about how great a technician this bassist of Weather Report was. I am confident one day Pastorius will be acknowledged for the composer he was. The “second side” of this CD, Bach’s “Chromatic Fantasy”, into Beatles’s “Blackbird”, then his own “Word of Mouth” and “John and Mary” should be listened to as a suite. Bach, if you deconstruct Bird carefully, is really the birth of jazz. “Chromatic Fantasy” sounds the birth of a melody and establishes a skeletal structure. “Blackbird” alludes to the harmonic turning point of jazz, while “Word of Mouth” was the end-all solo, cleansing the palate, and clearing the way for “John and Mary,” a rebirth with beautiful sounds of children laughing. The closing bowed bass still puts me in a state of grief. We have lost a great one.

8. Changes (Keith Jarrett)
So many people always name-drop “A Love Supreme” as the jazz concept album. It’s a great recording, don’t get me wrong. But the unsung hero of the jazz concept album, for me, would have to be Keith Jarrett’s Changes. The art of tension is an elusive craft. Jarrett captures it here, building tension like a Ralph Gibson snare.

9. Giant Steps (John Coltrane)
What can one say? “Countdown,” “Syeeda’s Song Flute,” “Mr. PC?” Imagine how ecstatic I was when I found out the cd version had a 2nd version of Countdown! Giant Steps was the very first jazz record I ever owned. It was recommended to me by some British dude named John McLaughlin.

10. Charlie Parker with Strings (Charlie Parker)
I was gonna say Miles Davis’s Birth of the Cool, but Bird with strings is definitely more late 40ish and more adorable. I think about the Savoy, big Fords, guys with big pants around their chests, and women in gloves with hats. There’s a soft side to Bird, I believe. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Salt Peanuts” and “Koko”, but so much of that stuff, even though it’s positively brilliant, feels like overcompensation, with a touch of insecurity against that early humiliation (to this day, I still think Liszt was probably the size of a pumpkin seed: he was hiding what he ain’t got with all those notes. That guy had 24 horses to pull his carriage. Talk about a Hummer for the 19th century! He like, so totally invented Viagra). The pieces here show a softer, but still bouncy Bird. Much like a real bird.

Bonus CD: Prince of Cool (Chet Baker)
I wanted to pick an album by a male jazz vocalist (Joe Williams), but then I would have to pick a female jazz vocalist (Ella or Astrud). I got it, I’ll pick the best of both worlds: Chet Baker.

Bonus CD #2: Bill Evans Trio with Symphony Orchestra (Bill Evans)
This is technically not a jazz album. It has songs by Bach, Granados, Faure. But the opening song “Granadas” opens up vistas of Clifford Coffin, Louise Dahl-Wolfe, and all the 1950s Vogue greats. I think of real Audrey in real Paris in the 50s whenever I listen to this piece.

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Charlie Haden and the Music Liberation Orchestra (May 23, 2009)

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

(note: I am implementing a new category: Story Time. Many people I know swear they need to write a book about their very interesting lives. I think I lead a dull life, but once in a while, I have a story or two. Enjoy.)

Paul Motian on drums with the Music Liberation Orchestra at the Village Gate, NYC

Paul Motian with the Music Liberation Orchestra at the Village Gate

Whenever I see the scene where François Cluzet couldn’t afford to go into a jazz club to see Dale Turner (Dexter Gordon) in Bertrand Tavernier’s ‘Round Midnight, I have to chuckle.

Once upon a time, I could not get into the Village Vanguard to see the Don Cherry quartet (it was sold out). I ended up standing outside, getting wisps of the songs every time the door opened. Eventually the quartet came out and I struck up a conversation with Charlie Haden and Billy Higgins.

I asked Charlie whether it bothered him that he had been on so many fantastic, historical recordings and he could still walk down New York that day, and only a handful of people could recognize him. His answer went, word-for-word, like this: “If you’re playing music to be noticed, you shouldn’t be playing at all.”

They were life-changing words for me, as a musician.

After our chat, they decided to flag down a taxi. Since my car was parked right outside, I offered to drive. One thing led to another, and before you knew it, we were on our way to having falafels with half of the original Ornette Coleman Quartet. (The third seat was occupied by Haden’s upright bass). How we got something that size into a 1982 Toyota Tercel is a secret I’m sure many gay men would loudly admit they like to possess.

Haden told me to hit him up the next time the band was in town, that he would put me on the guest list. The next time I saw him was with the Music Liberation Orchestra, at the Village Gate. After the gig, Charlie wanted to drop off his bass before meeting with members of the band for drinks at Brownie’s. When we got to the hotel Haden was staying, he went upstairs to drop his bass off at a hotel room where all the hotel security guards operated from. We knocked and someone let us in.

In the middle of this posh hotel, there was a handful of security guards, surrounded by a dozen superhot girls wearing NYGMTO’s (Not Your Grandmother’s Talbot’s Outfits). One security guy was operating the phone like a hotel switchboard for the different rooms. On the bed were two clear plastic bags of what I assume was talcum powder.

I think they were just looking after the guests’ daughters.

Well, we took so long to get back to Brownie’s, I was told that the musicians in the Music Liberation Orchestra were convinced I had kidnapped Charlie Haden.

Do I really look that untrustworthy?

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NYC’s TransProm at the Center (This Friday May 15, 2009) 13th street between 7th ave & Greenwich Ave

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009


Click on the picture above to get to the Center’s Webpage or click here for facebook event announcement

The Gay Center, in conjunction with the Gender Identity Project is having a transgender dance this Friday (May 15, 2009) from 8:30pm – 11:59pm.

I was in the very first trans committee at the Center to organize and plan this “prom” style dance four years ago. It’s lots of fun, it’s free, and it’s a safe space. It’s in West Greenwich Village so you don’t even have to worry about blending in. For those of you who are transgender and not gay, have no fear: all we do inside is sit around all day listening to Pet Shop Boys while researching encyclopedias on awesome drape-matching skills to dazzle straight people. Just about every familiar face in the NY area transgender circuit popped in when we ran in in 2005-2006.

This year, the theme is “Hollywood in the 90s.” If you know nothing about acting, then you can dress up like Keanu Reeves and hope someone who dresses like David Geffen can fall in love with you and give you a major career.

Me, I like very, very long, big things that will make me scream and cry and beg for it to stop because it’s hurting me! combined with the fact that I have absolutely no taste, the choice is clear: dress like Kevin Costner and pretend I’m in Waterworld.

Posted in Gay Transvestites, Transgender | No Comments »

The First Rule of The Hottie Club is – you do not talk about the hottie club (update: May 12, 2009)

Monday, May 11th, 2009

I have noticed that one of the most frequent selling mottoes for many trans* girls’ personal profiles is the phrase The Best of Both Worlds.

I understand it’s only an expression, but that’s a pretty tall order to live up to. I can’t help but raise an eyebrow whenever I see that.

While it’s good to have self-confidence, the key to internet dating is sometimes nothing but managing expectations.

Now, if some trans* girl informed me she was the best of both worlds, then I will have to immediately assume she looks likes Mia Kirshner:

…is packing like ManDingo (Fred Nice/ Frederick Lamont) under her skirt:

…with the kindness and sweetness of Audrey Hepburn:

Hepburn on humanitarian efforts with Unicef

Now THAT, would be the best of both worlds.

I think it’s better to be a little more modest. If I had to describe myself in a personal ad, I would say, “It’s like an Entenman’s cake. Not as fancy as the real thing, but easier to keep, stays fresh longer, so you can have your cake, and eat it … later in the night if you chose to.”

It’s all about managing expectations.

Posted in Society, Transgender | No Comments »

Maxim’s Top 100 Hot Girls of 2009 (update May 11, 2009)

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Jordana Brewster

One of the most mind-boggling things all my straight guy friends say about my hard drive is that as a person who dates only men, I have a total of only eight pictures of other men (other than the ones of my boyfriend, my male friends, and relatives) on my computer. There’s Tony Leung, Toshiro Mifune (*sigh*), Bill Evans (the pianist), Malcolm X, Jorge Luis Borges, George Bernard Shaw, Andrei Tarkovski, and the Dalai Lama (wearing a nice Rolex watch…rolls eyeballs).

On the other hand, I have a total of 9,969 pictures of girl celebrities and models.

I still have conversations with straight men who go “Jeez! How the hell do you know about THAT girl?!!!” First off, I love portraits. I love the way photography freezes an image, a pose, capturing beauty, and sparing us the pearls falling to the ground in the event the wrong words should come out of an Olympian goddess. Second, I study posture, poses, outfits, hairstyles, makeup. (I actually forced myself to watch WWF Wrestling Raw just to catch Stacey Kiebler’s nascent days as the business woman Miss Hancock.)

So of course, by comparison, studying Borges for his hottie index, is probably not viable. Even though I adore him.

Well, the Maxim Top 100 Hottie is out. I complained about the absence of Taylor Swift last year. She’s here this year. For 2009, I am filing my official protest regarding the absence of Jillian Russell.

My three all time favorites: Jordana Brewster- who I would vote No.1, Elisha Cuthbert, and Emma Roberts are all here.

To this day I have yet to meet a non-internet person who would not throw Angelina Jolie out of bed for eating crackers. However, Michelle Obama is on the list, so that’s some comfort for us brawny girls.

#1 Olivia Wilde
#2 Megan Fox
#3 Bar Refaeli
#4 Malin Akerman
#5 Mila Kunis
#6 Eliza Dushku
#7 Adriana Lima
#8 Rihanna
#9 Jordana Brewster
#10 Jennifer Love Hewitt
#11 Jessica Biel
#12 Leighton Meester
#13 Jessica Alba
#14 Christina Aguilera
#15 Katy Perry
#16 Gina Carano
#17 Britney Spears
#18 Marisa Miller
#19 Chan Marshall
#20 Moon Bloodgood
#21 Annalynne Mccord
#22 Kate Beckinsale
#23 Lindsay Lohan
#24 Eva Mendes
#25 Julianne Hough
#26 Angelina Jolie
#27 Vanessa Hudgens
#28 Danneel Harris
#29 Zoe Saldana
#30 Penelope Cruz
#31 Hilary Duff
#32 Ciara
#33 Blake Lively
#34 Scarlett Johansson
#35 Anna Kournikova
#36 Hayden Panatierre
#37 Cameron Diaz
#38 Charlize Theron
#39 Anna Faris
#40 Lily Allen
#41 Nadine Velasquez
#42 Nikki Reed
#43 Elisha Cuthbert
#44 Avril Lavigne
#45 Fergie
#46 Nicole Scherzinger
#47 Katie Cassidy
#48 Arielle Klebbel
#49 Freida Pinto
#50 Taylor Swift
#51 Sienna Miller
#52 Beyonce
#53 Kim Kardashian
#54 Rachel Bilson
#55 Christina Milian
#56 Amber Heard
#57 Audrina Patridge
#58 Miranda Kerr
#59 Ana Ivanovic
#60 Carrie Underwood
#61 Dania Ramirez
#62 Heidi Klum
#63 Milla Jovovich
#64 Diora Baird
#65 Amanda Righetti
#66 Emma Stone
#67 Emmy Rossum
#68 Ashley Greene
#69 Jennifer Morrison
#70 Maria Menounos
#71 Gabrielle Union
#72 Camilla Belle
#73 Ashley Tisdale
#74 Amanda Bynes
#75 Tricia Helfer
#76 Cameron Richardson
#77 Stacy Keibler
#78 Danica Patrick
#79 Jaime King
#80 Jamie Gunns
#81 Heidi Montag
#82 Emma Watson
#83 Whitney Port
#84 Minka Kelly
#85 Michelle Trachtenberg
#86 Ali Campoverdi
#87 Summer Glau
#88 Diane Kruger
#89 Jamie Chung
#90 Roselyn Sanchez
#91 Chelsea Handler
#92 Joanna Krupa
#93 Michelle Obama
#94 Yvonne Strahovski
#95 Padma Lakshmi
#96 Olivia Munn
#97 Marisa Tomei
#98 Rebecca Mader
#99 Melissa Rycroft
#100 Deanna Russo

Posted in Leisure | No Comments »

Fashion Advice: No Shiny Objects, Thank You (update: May 11, 2009)

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Satin, silk, shiny polyster blouses, any shiny clothing. Just. No.

One of the frequent topics of argument between my partner and I.

I’ve had a great disdain for “shiny” clothing since I was a child. I always thought it was gaudy and a tad too desperate for attention: “Everyone look at me!”

Lately, I’ve been trying to form a more coherent case against all things shiny, since the declaration, “god no! That’s too tranny!” will instantly result in 1000 Stevies knocking down my front door with torches, demanding my head on a stick to the chanting of Rhiannon.

I do notice a strong affinity for shiny blouses and outfits among transgirls. I chalk this up to the fact that they want to be feminine, but at the same time, still have their body look like a scoped Smith & Wesson N frame brushed-polish 629 revolver. Or perhaps a chopped chassis 27 candied raspberry Lincoln Zephyr. You know: stuff girls who sit around drinking cosmos all day talk about.

For me, the entomology of my phobia all begins with the silkworm, from whose larvae silk is created. Of course, how that larvae is actually formed is a problematic thing in itself: it’s silkworm vomit. So if I were to see someone wearing satin or silk-like material (and honestly, when was the last time you saw a genetic girl wear a shiny satin blouse…1982 for me), in my subconscious, I may be thinking, “that girl’s got vomit all over her!” (Paul Little may want to pay attention here)

Ziyi Zhang displays the traditional proportion of the Qipao

Next, I associate shiny clothing with the cheongsam (qipao), which is a traditional Chinese dress. A comment made by my father probably wormed it’s way into the back of my head: “You need to have a very particular body type to pull off wearing a cheongsam.” His contention was that the cut, combined with the shininess of the fabric will “reduce” the classic diminutive female Asian body type to a jewel-like presence. However, when that same cut and brilliance is combined with a large female Caucasian frame, it enlarges already big limbs into broad shoulders and refrigerator-lifting Norwegian thighs nothing short of The Incredible Hulk bursting at the seams, spilling out of armholes, neckholes, pushing the fabric to its maximum limits, packing maximum density.

Nicole Kidman is saying, “This Caucasoid bosom will break the will of any Chinese tailor and raise someone’s eyebrows since I can’t raise mine.” In a modest way, of course

None of this sounds all too flattering. And that’s Paris Hilton at 5′7 110 lbs.

Ok, now apply this to us trans girls, many who, like me: 6′0″ 135 lbs is already a woolly mammoth even before the cardigan goes on….imagine what a shiny satin outfit will do for our silhouette?!

Of course, many trans girls wisely opt out of a tight outfit and go for a flowing blouse instead. But now, you have a different problem. A flowing, shiny, gaudy blouse over a larger-than-average-girl frame turns a supposed feminine item into a huge silver shiny object coming at you from afar.

I would never risk that in public. It would look something like this to an average eye:


If you want to exude femininity, I’d imagine the last thing you would want in your viewer’s mind -upon seeing you- is a big, thick, long, stiff, cylindrical dirigible, ready to explode upon touching anything from Rutherford.

Oh the humanity!

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FINALLY: New Gallery Update (May 8, 2009)

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

After so many months, I have finally updated the Gallery page. Here it is, something I wear on a day-to-day basis if I do go out…on a nice day.

Click here on the gallery link to open up the Gallery Page

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Chauvinistic Men (Update: May 7, 2009)

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

I was amuse to find a link back to d332.com from several webpages out there on the internet. I was listed under the “KINKY / FETISH” Category. So I thought, this probably has something to do with that one article I wrote about Sarah Palin.

But most likely, it’s my constant obsession with all things Stepford Wife. I read Mormon marriage guides, compare bible passages like Penthouse forum letters, collect 50s advice columns, and most recently compiled a dizzying array of sexists / chauvinistic print advertisements from bygone days. The Wife fantasy is nothing new in transgender transgression, and it makes perfect sense that a culture steeped in overdosing on femininity will seek a complement in testosteronal rage.

I have said before, I advocate chauvinism, sexism, take-charge, alpha male, micromanaging, head-of-household cavemen husbands for women like I advocate my personal fashion for other trans girls: I would be horrified if I saw anyone but me being on the receiving end of it. It’s my personal style, my curiosity and my journey of exploration. Nobody should have to put up with it (unless it’s their personal choice to do so.)

I am fascinated by how revisionist, post-structural history is being re-written as we speak. Certainly Orwell would have much to say about how our collective memory of the past is being re-shaped daily by policemen and policewomyn of political correctness. If society, armed with a knowledge of the past is bound to repeat it anyway, imagine how much more vulnerable we will be if we won’t eventually know we’ve been here before.

Psychoanalysts will probably conclude that I had a bad childhood with an over-controlling father figure. Nothing could be farther from the truth. My father, raised by Catholic monks, was a non-practicing Protestant. He was known for scholarly pursuits, being a happy drunk, and an extremely liberal, easy-going kind of guy. He never controlled my mother: she was a schoolteacher at a Catholic school and didn’t do much homemaking. Knowledge was religion when I was growing up (“I wish I didn’t have terminal cancer just so I can live one more year for the internet” was one of the last pronouncements my father made), he was a supporter of women’s rights and championed racial harmony.

If you combine knowledge and learning against my dad’s bio, then it’s entirely logical that in applying his love of discovery and demonstrating a lesson well learned, I go in the opposite direction and seek everything he wasn’t.

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