Archive for June, 2009

The Importance of Belonging (update: June 27, 2009)

Saturday, June 27th, 2009

In my opinion, the most tactically brilliant tv commercial in recent past, is the Geico Cavemen ad:

For those who have never seen it, each installment of the ad campaign portrays 2-3 Neanderthal cavemen attempting to assimilate* into our modern society. Every time they are at the brink of attaining success, they see a Geico advertisement with the motto “so simple even a caveman can do it.” At that point, they give up, disgusted, and frustrated at suddenly being reminded they are cavemen.

Of course, modern society, in this case is implicitly taken to mean “modern developed first-world Western heterosexual society.” Amazing how much you can fit into the silence of one typographical space.

Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s one of the most annoying ad campaigns ever. But, I consider it brilliant because like the ventriloquist who uses nonsensical puppets to voice society’s intolerence, it exonerates the viewing audience from guilt while making a statement about prejudice. The Geico cavemen ads do the same thing; it clears homosexuals, minorities, unassimilated third world peoples, queers, fatties, lower class people, uglies, no class people, poor, indigent, trans, whatever of being targeted while saying one thing:

You can try to be one of us. But you will never truly be one of us. If you fail, it’s because you have an inferiority complex from all the mixed messages we have been sending you. We want you to be like us, we just don’t want you to be one of us. So assimilate, just don’t do it too well or else we’ll have to remind you who you are.

It’s a fantastic display of disseminating power across the board, striking fear and doubt in our latent consciousness, because I think most of us have tried to belong in some way or another at one point of our lives.

Barbara Kruger’s When I Hear The Word Culture I Take Out My Checkbook

If I sound as if I’m reading too much into it, it’s probably because I went through my school days being exposed to the works of Barbara Kruger, Jean Baudrillard, and Jacques Derrida. These theorists of simulacra and hypperreality deconstructed rabid consumer culture to show us that the signs and message are all around us. The Geico cavemen commercials actually put together many points made by postmodern deconstructionists in a space of 30 seconds.

Barbara Kruger’s Buy Me, I’ll Change Your Life

Here is an excellent article on Barbara Kruger by Shawn Rider.

*I’m not against assimilation. I think you should at least make an attempt to adopt whatever culture of the country, society, or group of people that you live in or among. I wish the quickly disappearing indigenous cultures can remain intact on a global level, but once you leave the geographical location, it seems close-minded to want to stubbornly cling to your old ways. If you refuse to thank anyone for anything (“because nobody thanks anyone for anything back home“), blow your nose in public while buying tiger’s testicles to boost your sexual prowess after a dinner of tea and dog meat while speaking a foreign language, reading newspapers from your homeland, and loudly displaying the flag of your old country everywhere you go…well, I can’t help but think “if you love it that much…what are you doing here?”.

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Teaching and explaining Transgender To Children (update: June 27, 2009)

Friday, June 26th, 2009

I have a good cross-section of races in my neighborhood.

Of course, the ones who are associated with being least tolerant of the GLBT culture happens to hug the circumference of my property like aging celebs to Twitter.

In my less flamboyant mode, I have greeted and conversed with my neighbors. Whether they accept me in my fabulous mode or not (and they have seen me often whether it be checking the mail, driving off, or just getting to first base with men out front, in broad daylight) is none of my business.

Besides, coming up on the 12th year anniversary of d332.com, I re-read some of my own articles, and was delighted to come across a memento etched somewhere on the elbows of this site: Never Apologize For Who You Are.

I do keep everything in check and wait several minutes for the coast to clear whenever I see the neighbor’s kids out playing. While I do think kids should learn tolerance at a young age, the topic of a gender-confusion really should be introduced later on in their early teens. I would hate to be the parent who has to explain “boys will be girls and girls will be boys” to Little Tommy after he comes in from playing outside. I wouldn’t envy the mother of the boy who said, “Mommy, when you said I could be anything when I grow up, does that mean I can be like my neighbor? NOW HAND OVER YOUR FLOWERPRINT SUMMER DRESS OR I’M HOLDING MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN PINK!”

Call me Sarah Palin, but I think kids can wait to learn about condoms and sex education until they are in High School or at least Jr. High. Childhood should be all about the charm of McCarthyite fingerpointing at people with the cooties, lunch recess drama, and blushes during puppy love. We don’t need to drag personal sociopolitics and superimpose our beliefs onto their innocent years.

I was just imagining what I would say if my neighbors were suddenly struck by the faerie of progressive thought, and invited me over to explain my life choices to their kids? How would my little presentation go if I were put on the spot?

Hello! Your mom/dad has asked me to come over and say hi to you all. You’ve seen me across the street for many years, and I know what you may be thinking, “but you’re a man!”

Have you ever woke up in the morning feeling happy? So you put on your favorite clothes, go down to breakfast, and say HI! to everyone and go off to school. You want to show and tell everyone you are happy. Well, that’s what I do: I woke up one morning feeling I wanted to show people how I felt inside.

Yeah, I know, you say: it’s not who you were born as? But look at your favorite celebrities: Is Beyoncé born blond? Is Timbaland a shoe or a rapper? Was Goldie born with gold teeth? Was Britney Spears bald? What country is Queen Latifah heir to rule over? Did Ralph Lauren hit Mario Lavandeira, or did Polo Molina hit Perez Hilton?

We are surrounded by people who express who they are inside and who they want to be. They wake up one morning, and they feel happy. They want to show the world and share with the world that they are happy. Some change their names, some change their hair, eye color, clothes. We accept their happiness and call them by what they chose to be called.

I am no different.

Posted in 10 Things, Gay Transvestites, Music, Transgender | No Comments »

The Quietest Day of All (update: June 21, 2009)

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

I look at birthdays as recurring annual rematches lasting exactly one year.

Each year on my birthday, I examine how I have failed or done things in a mediocre way, and I attempt redemption by making up my mind to go back into the ring and do it better or differently the following year. I also look at the things I have done well (and they are few), and make a note to myself to continue down that path.

For the past ten years, I have been increasingly wary of a hardened cynicism and bitterness that accompanies aging. It’s one thing to be skeptical and to question the status quo, another altogether to dismiss each experience in life with “what’s the point?” or worse, to dismiss others’ experiences with a “been there, done that.” (Probably the phrase I have the greatest disdain for, even more than “what goes around comes around.”)

Bitterness is probably the greatest enemy of aging, even more so than greying hairs and wrinkles. You can have all the Botox in the world, but if you’re rotted from the inside, it will eventually show through the soul.

We’re like wine. One bad year can mean a stale bottle and ten wasted years in the cellar.

Fortunately, we can always replant and hope for a better harvest next year.

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Paid for the Ticket, Might As Well Take the Ride (update: June 21, 2009)

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

Okay: time for a pop quiz.

At around 10 yrs old, the first time I learned that I was not alone in being trans and that it was OK to be trans was from:

1. David Bowie
2. A Goth Band
3. The Rocky Horror Show
4. A John Waters Movie
5. The Flip Wilson Show
6. A Country and Western Band
7. The Naked Civil Servant by Quentin Crisp

Actually the first time I was exposed to crossdressing was at a play my parents brought me to when I was six. The female actors were playing male soldiers, brandishing their rifles and finally firing them (ok, Fruedian analysts, settle down!) From that moment onwards, the notion that the two sexes were at equilibrium and gender may flow freely back and forth was introduced into my consciousness. No surprise that at seven, I started exploring my mom’s perfume table and closet. Our maid caught me hiding under the bed wearing lipstick that same year.

It was not until the beginning of the Reagan Era that I heard a C&W band called The Dirt Band (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band) perform a song called “High School Yearbook” on tv (CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE AMAZON SAMPLE with the lines mentioned below.) Having never heard of them, I went about my business with the music playing in the the background. The lines:

Now he’s wearing little sister clothes
Wrapped up in a world of pantyhose
But he’s doin’ what he wants to

roared in my ears even though the tv volume was at a minimum. I was shocked that someone thought to write these words so overtly. No metaphor, no allusions, no hidden meanings. Just flat out statement. I was impressed and remain so till this day. Though some may argue that the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, hailing from Long Beach California, is not exactly a full out C&W act, the acceptance and tolerance of the entire song is really unmatched, given the era it was presented in. Here is the rest of it:


Ever think about your high school friends
All the kids that you knew back when
If you’d pass’em on the street today
You just might see they’ve gone a different way

Lovely Linda was a friend of mine
Dressed to kill she always looked sure fine
We all thought she was a star back then
Now she’s entertaining businessmen

But she’s doin’ what she wants to

Macho Johnny from around the block
Always had that funky walk
Now he’s wearing little sister clothes
Wrapped up in a world of pantyhose

But he’s doin’ what he wants to
Gonna have a good time (gonna have a good time)
Wooh oh

Little Four-Eyes was the teacher’s pet
Stacks of books and his chemistry set
Now he’s a rancher down in ol’ Brazil
Mixes powders making little pills

But he’s doin’ what he wants to
Cause it makes him feel fine
Paid for the ticket
Might as well take a ride
The rest of them were born to tears
Or hiding fears and never broke away

Wimpy Andy was a punching bag
Screamed and hollered he was such a drag
Now you hear him on the radio
Sings songs and playing rock & roll
Rock & roll, rock & roll, rock & roll

Doin’ what he wants to
Gonna have a good time
Paid for the ticket
Might was well take a ride, take a ride

Well he’s doin’ what he wants to (doin’ what he wants to)
Gonna have a good time
Doin’ what he wants to (doin’ want he wants to)
Gonna have a good time (have a good, have a good time)
Doin’ what he wants to
He’s gonna have a good time
Hey

(from the Dirt Band’s “High School Yearbook” from the album Make A Little Magic)

Posted in Gay Transvestites, Transgender | No Comments »

A Woman In Full (update: June 18, 2009)

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

I am thinking about King Crimson’s record Three of A Perfect Pair, and I can’t say there’s a better phrase to describe a relationship with someone like me (note “Perfect” is pending review). I use to fancy the title to Robert Bly’s book of poems “Loving A Man In Two Worlds.” After Bly started running around naked, rolling in dirt, hugging trees, and crying with other men, I thought that wouldn’t reflect well on the guys I was dating.

Whether you are from old school film culture or the Photoshop generation, you will understand the concept of masking, where a cut out shape on a board placed over the picture reveals parts of an image you want visible, and the rest is “masked” beneath. Girls from my camp are always “masking” some part or another of ourselves throughout the day. The question is, which parts should we mask? Are we even masking the right parts? Since I am out to all my straight and gay friends, this topic is a favorite conversation piece.

I continue to be amazed by what many transgirls mask and what they chose to reveal. It’s almost as if they think makeup, gossip, tampons, girltalk, sluttiness, superficial niceness, and a constant preoccupation with oneself is the sum total of what it means to be a girl. Of course, I can’t then help but think: “Is this what they think of women?” (I’m sure that charge is being leveled against me all the time) I have actually seen online photo albums where t*girls snap photos of their new box of feminine napkins and tampons, almost fetishizing them as badges of honor or certificates of authenticity. When Mr. (Janet) Garrison loudly extolled the virtues of coming around to that time of the month again in South Park, it’s a well-researched piece of satire.

It’s gender vultures picking up discarded femininity.

I think my kind of girls are in an advantageous position to be extra special girls. Let’s say we have front row seats as to what is more likely to go on inside the heads of men: we know what tics them off; what they don’t want to talk about; what they don’t think about, and what they like. Unfortunately, in the push to acquire the authentic female experience (something I don’t believe is entirely possible, regardless of how militantly the notion of some uterus-less, womb-less girl trapped inside the body of a man is forced upon me), so many tgirls mask the parts of them that make them most special to their admirers, and amplify the qualities that made men leave their women and run to us in the first place.

If you have ever seen the unsavory look of confirmed self-worth in genetic women’s faces when men brawl over them, you’ll know that there are some things about women we shouldn’t blindly ape. And yet I can’t count the number of trans women I have come across who believe the greatest act of honor her man friend can show her is to beat the living hell out of another man who looks at her the wrong way. I always thought a lady walks away from uncouth people with her dignity intact.

Cattiness and manipulative behavior is another trait that doesn’t seem to win the fairer sex its stately appellation. Certainly many women live free of these personality traits, which then makes me wonder: just who are trans women looking to as their role models? It’s like a mix of Joan Collins and all the savages that are better known as Jerry Springer’s audience. I’m just puzzled why t*girls would mask the good typical qualities of their male self (lack of pettiness, easy-going personality, protectiveness) and exotify all the undesirable parts of what makes women hate other women (you know what I’m talking about…just nod and I’ll take the fall for saying what everybody knows but nobody wants to hear).

Posted in Society, Transgender | No Comments »

The Sourpuss of the Century (update: June 9, 2009)

Monday, June 8th, 2009


left: what I see in the mirror when I smile right: what other people see when they look at me smile

The biggest thing I inherited from my father’s genes was his unfriendly face. The unique thing about this curse, was that it came out of the DNA spin cycle twisted, and the price I have to pay for bearing my sourpuss is a second curse: I attract the nicest guys in the world.

First things first: my non-smile really betrays my personality. It’s all Nosferatu on the outside, but whimsical, sweet Springtime kisses on the inside. I experience the same thing my father did; after a few minutes into any conversation, new acquaintances will often remark, “I’m surprise you are such a cordial person, you didn’t look friendly from afar.”

Perhaps it’s not so much a sullen look as a serious look. Let’s just say that even in my state of elation- when I think I am emanating my Julia Roberts smile squared (enough to keep Colgate from a bailout for two more decades)- people still see someone that makes Tommy Lee Jones look like Spongebob Squarepants. If I had just won the lottery (if I played the lottery), someone would probably take one look at my face and ask, “where’s the casket being lowered?”

I have such a severe look on my face that countless people have approached me in the past, thinking I was some dominatrix who liked to take charge and make men (and women) suffer. Once I informed them that they would be made to sit through Waterworld followed by Showgirls, they take to their heels.

There’s no safeword in this world that can protect anyone from that kind of pain.

I’ve been with my guy for over three years now, and to this day, when I try to invoke my feminine mystique and give him the romantic, bedroom eyes, he still asks, “eh…are you…challenging me to enter into a cagefight match or are you about to ask me to sign an IRS Audit letter from the mail man?”

So now, you would think with my funereal countenance, I would get mall goths flocking in my direction. No. Instead, all I attract are the nicest people in the world. Not only do I have nice people pulling numbered tickets at the Pristine counter waiting for cold cuts to be served, I turn meanies into warm fuzzies for some unknown forth law of thermodynamics. Tyson would buy me a beanie baby if he met me. If I got into a time machine and came out in the past, Attila the Hun would say, “no please, after you….” Hitler would probably cook me a nice bowl of Matzoh ball soup.

Maybe if I start being bubbly and perky like Paris Hilton, I’ll finally run into Paris Trout.

Posted in Leisure | 2 Comments »

Two Interesting Things You Can Do Today (Sunday June 7, 2009)

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

My beloved performers of Tudorian (Early Music) classical pieces, the NYC-based Parthenia will be performing at Patriots Theater today at 4pm. They are scheduled to play the exquisite Prelude and Voluntary by 16th century English composer William Byrd. Also on the list will be Tobias Hume’s A Mery Conceit: The Queen’s Delight, Pierre Bonnet’s Françion Vint L’Autre Jour, selections from Anthony Holborne’s Pavans, Galliards, Almains and other short Aeirs and other works. They will be joined by soprano Julianne Baird.

Parthenia (photo by David Rodgers)

If you have a decent internet connection, you can listen to this streaming webcast live at 4 pm EST at WWFM: The Classical Network.

After you are done with this, you can further your cultivation by going to Versus on Cable TV to watch the most talked about Mixed Martial Arts fight of the year: Urijah Faber vs. Mike Brown II.

Two of cagefighting’s best no-nonsense, trash-talk-free featherweight fighters go for a rematch after Mike Brown upset champion Urijah Faber, taking away his belt

I love Urijah Faber and he’s a great fighter. But I’m totally rooting for Mike Brown. Not just because he’s the underdog, but I think he’s a great fighter too! GO MIKE BROWN!!! WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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We Will Miss You Joel Godard : The Missing Link between Conan O’Brien’s Late Night Show and Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show (Update: 06-02-2009)

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009


Who can look at a dream date like this on, say…E-Harmony…and not totally hit the RESPOND button immediately!


I still remembered watching Conan with my late father the first month the talk show host took over Letterman’s spot. He was full of sweat, nervousness, and giggles. We both said, “he’ll be OK, he just needs to relax.”

Now O’Brien has stepped into Jay Leno’s shoes on the Tonight Show, and I, like anyone else watched the changing of the guards between the two hosts. I love Conan: I think he’s wacky enough that he can carry a whole show even if all his guests canceled. Leno had a widespread appeal that I thought worked well across the red and blue states. First time I ever saw Leno was in Americathon back in the 70s. He shared the cameo bill with Elvis Costello.

There’s been many online articles celebrating the fact that new Conan is still like old Conan. For me, it will never be quite the same. You see: hands-down, my all time favorite person on O’Brien’s Late Show was announcer Joel Clinton Godard. I was crushed to find out Godard didn’t migrate West with the rest of the Conan gang . Maybe he couldn’t deal with the L.A. crowd or just didn’t want to leave New York. Godard to me was the fulcrum that the Late Show teetered upon…between insanity and full out psychiatric ward. I loved the skits with Godard! He’s just so weird with his huge mouth and scary big 1950′ s plasticine smile. Plus I think it’s hilariously hawt that he has a thing for young Asian men in speedos.

He strikes me as one of those guys who is such a professional, that perhaps, as normal as he probably is in real life…when told to be totally “out there”…did such a fantastic job that he ended up being weirder than all of Conan’s crew combined- it’s like Kubrick outhorror-ing Stephen King. Joel is the only person whose name, when mentioned, would send me running in front of the TV when I was working at the computer. It’s been over a decade of laughs with the Late Show’s announcer Joel. I am totally going to miss him!

Posted in Reviews / Recommendations | 2 Comments »