Here is the article. A bit lengthy, but delightful!
http://www.participations.org/volume%203/issue%201/3_01_hortonwohl.htm

Are you laughing at the masturbating bears, sex offender in tents etc. Because all that is real. I didn’t make it up. Guess that’s why Coco didn’t fly with the heartland folks.

I lost EVERY ounce of respect I had for Dave during the Oscars, when 80% of his routine involved making fun of Uma Thurman’s first name (she was sitting right there). I too see Coco as Howdy Doody, but at least he writes much of his own material.

I should listen to some Owens. I’m a lifelong Eddy Arnold fan and I love Brenda Lee. We were up till 6 in the morning listening to Gospel Elvis over the weekend. But that’s about all the C&W I have access too.

The day when there’s a Tears-In-Your-Beer cd box set, I’ll get it.

Lol.

Don’t hate me. Funny post. I love the ones where I can actually follow your references and allusions.

A friend and I were talking about this just the other day. NONE of those late guys are funny. Never have been, never will be. Okay, maybe Jack Parr was a little funny. The best I can say is that Jay has always struck me as a nice, decent guy — and Dave has always struck me as a lech, and Conan has always struck me as, well, Howdy Doody, obviously. But if I had paid money to listen to/watch the late night drivel, I’d demand my money back. I mean, I’d throw a hissy fit to get my money back.

If you need a sedative to get to sleep, hit the clicker and turn on the wave machine. Or do like I do — drift off to same spacey Indianish/arabish new agey music. Just as mindless, and just the ticket.

As for the formulaic country music, count your blessings. Around here, I think the stations are still playing “Okie From Muskogee”. But I prefer classic Buck Owens:

“I got the hoooonnnngries for yer love
And I’m awaitin’ in the welfare line”

Ain’t it the truth.

I actually don’t mind fakeness, but I can only take so much. I always imagine Vegas will be more fun now (I went almost 20 years ago). But the most fun I had was eating a canadian bacon steak at 3 in the morning (after the plane landed and we checked in) and then going out on foot to look for zinfandel at 4 in the scorching night heat. Everything else was boring. I have a feeling Vegas today would be like porno movies: I think it’s going to be fun to watch, but 5 minutes into it, I realize why I stopped watching a decade ago.

I loved the darkness and the cool of the Camden Aquarium. But regarding all these places, all I can think of was that one time I saw a cheetah pacing back and forth in a 10 foot cage (I was dragged to the zoo by force), and am resolved never to go again. Even under threat of bodily harm.

But if you asked me five minutes after the show or today whether my momentary amusement was worth such an astonishing creature’s unhappiness and perversion, my answer would have been and is, turn him loose. Now. My bet’s on mammalian survival instincts, and wallet-sucking SeaWorld can go f**k itself, and shame on them. And us.

The only good moth is a powderized moth.

The only good chihuahua is a barbecued-on-a-spit chihuahua with a chiplotle rub and Stubb’s moppin’ sauce.

! Why Scarlett! Whatevah has come ovah you? !

The problem now is, how do they re-assimilate him back into the wild (assuming they would want to). Some people have pressed to at least move him to a big reserve water area by the ocean. WHo is the villain? Seaworld and the audience. They are using this opportunity to get free publicity, and the public, being ever thirsty to ogle killers (CSI, Law and Order, etc) will flock to SeaWorld to see the whale that has killed 3 people already.

Mosquitoes are thugs. I hate them. My number 1 enemy is the moth. Whenever I see a moth, I hit it so hard, that there’s no trace of the bug left. It just disintegrates into dust.

Hawaii 5-0 is pretty close to the Bible, given McGarrett’s vacuous pontificating at the end of the each show. I watched it because I think the fat hawaiian guy Kono is adorable. Now you have made me excited to go watch my Cannon DVDs.

I also read the Bible for Stepford instructions (the amplified bible version is my pick)

10. That’s why you are here at d332. My job is to get me and my readers one step closer to Hello Kitty!