Cultural Imperialism at its most effective: Asian Eyelid Surgery. Parents give it to their kids as birthday presents as early as 15. Proponents say it’s merely “corrective.” I bring your attention to the dyed hair, blue contact lenses, and lightened skin in the AFTER picture.
1. ) Asian Eyelid Surgery. To this day, I still badger people to explain exactly what Asian eyelid surgery is. What is it supposed to accomplish? I call this the liquor-in-a-brown-bag syndrome. Just because you put an elongated bottle in a brown bag, do you really think all cops are instantly fooled? That he’ll miss the smell of booze on you, that you are stuttering and stumbling on the streets, and that you have no pants on?
2. ) Why do so many trans girls have multiple girl names in their female names? Is it the male mentality of more being better? More female names= more feminine. So it’s like a Chevy Big Block 572 V8 with a Holly Six pack carburetor of girly. You’d be a dude if you were merely Rachel Bilson. No. That’s like the Yugo of chick. You have to be Rachel Ann Tiffany Flowers or Sarah Elizabeth Isabella Silk. She is all XX on the chromo-dar.
Funny thing, I don’t hear of Female-to-Male trans bois calling themselves Jonathan Harry Jake the Snake Pummel or Joshua Matthew Christopher Allman. If whipping out your femme name and gauging its length with a ruler against other tgirls’ namesize is any measure of femininity, I really need to overcompensate for my brawny ways: I better start making plans to change my name to Brittany Grace Lisette Angela Santa-Maria Amatullah Sameera Al-Maalik Goldstein III.
3. ) Why do Asians love food with bones in it? Whenever I try it, I end up leaving the restaurant hungrier than when I came in. More calories burnt than consumed. Are they trying to drown out the surrounding noise? As a child I never understood the toothpicks that were freely available after dinner. Now I know it’s to remove chunks of tendons that were stuck in between teeth when food was vacuumed through the mouth at 8-10 hp.
4. ) Why women think dumb men in tv commercials is hilarious, but the reverse would constitute sexist misogynistic, oppression resulting from the systematic patriarchal post-feminist machinations of male chauvinism.
5. ) How white collar people can still take each other seriously and get work done when the word “synergy” continues to be used in boardroom meetings.
6. ) How blue or green eyes always evoke the cliched “the eyes are the window to one’s soul” but the Godfather of Soul is James Brown and the two biggest soulful artists are Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
7. ) Why so many sports fans have no problems expressing their homophobia while they hang out with a bunch of men getting drunk, hugging each other, and cheering a bunch of other men in tight pants patting each other’s butts.
8. ) Why the folks who find transgender women so hilarious and deserving of public taunting are the same people who fail to see anything peculiar about Wendy Williams.
9. ) Why we could exist in silence while in transit for hundreds of years, but now we can’t even cross a busy intersection without fondling our combo bluetooth I-Phone IPad GPS Kindle Book Auto-Atomic Diaper changer.
10. ) Why many animal-rights and human-rights activists see no problems with employing violence or portraying violence towards other human beings.
