What is it? Everyone debates, but there is no consensus. Mixer, extrovert, showboater?

Yet everyone knows what a wallflower is. I was just having a conversation with the bf the other night about how women tend to be wallflowers. It may sound traditional, and in some quarters, it may even be frowned upon. It would seem that society gives more leeway to women for being wallflowers. For men to be wallflowers, they would be seen as “queens” in the gay world, or socially-impaired in the straight world.

I know I come across articles where interviewed guys say how cool it is for the girl to be the aggressor once in a while, that it is nice for the girl to make the first move. I can sympathize with that. But I am surrounded by traditionalist books chock full of 1950s advice articles. I think it’s okay for the girl to be frightened little creatures, especially in settings where it’s a male-oriented domain. I too, see men who are wallflowers as a tad high-maintenance. I guess that’s what happens after years of soy energy bars, Starbucks Buttofuccocino and Sarah McLachlan mp3s on the IPod.

Trust me, if you are a guy who is after a girl, another tgirl, or even a guy, the bottom half always likes to be pursued. As much as people kick and scream about the perks of modern egalitarian order, there’s nothing quite as sexually arousing as a man on the prowl. He gets kingpin respect, no matter how much he’s not all that. Even though society ladies today flip gangsta signs and get out of confession booths without panties on, a man is still defined by his actions, a gal by her helplessness, or inaction.

Among girls, when they see a fellow sitting there waiting for the women to come to him, the first thing out of our scandalized mouths is, “who does that bloke think he is, a chick?” As a person who has pursued others decades ago – and seen how easy it is – I myself think, this guy is either a princess or he’s lazy as sin.

To be fair, in the game of the hunter and the hunted, what women lack in physical aggression, they more than make up for in signals. I guess it’s the guys who know how to read them that become the first ones past the gate. I think one needs to make the distinction between a wallflower and playing hard-to-get. A wallflower is just too shy to make the first move. Playing hard-to-get is pretending you are unobtainable even after the first move has been made.